Reflections of a Sojourner

Questioning God and His Motives

2011-11-21T12:09:00.000-06:00

Whew-it's been a long time since I wrote a post! Honestly, I've been in a bit of a valley and it's been hard to reflect on it, let alone write about it! But, God is slowly pushing me back on track. To be honest, I've neglected reflecting on scripture because it's much easier and comfortable to numb myself with entertainment. Wrong, yes. But, it's what I've been doing.

God is good and will not let me stay there. :-) So, here I am, ready to write a little reflection. I hope I will be back for a long run!

Feeling my desperate need and thirst for the Word, I started back into it by reading through the Psalms. They are comforting when you are in a hard place.

Today I meditated on Psalm 43 and it brought me much comfort. The Psalm is short, but blatantly shows David's inner struggle with doubt. Because of his hard circumstances, he questions God's actions and motives. "Why have You rejected me? Why do I go about mourning?" (v.2)

I totally relate. In the midst of hard circumstances, my crying out to God is usually a question of whether He really cares for me or not. I often feel guilty for questioning Him and His motives. I've heard from wiser people that it's OK to question God because it often leads us to truth, if we are seeking Him. But, I still often feel guilty (probably because in that moment, I am not grasping the Gospel-that even if I am sinning, God is forgiving and much bigger than my questions). So, as I see David, a man after God's own heart as scripture calls him, crying out to God with questions, I am comforted.

However, verses 3-4 are the the kicker-the key verses in this passage. David doesn't just wallow in self-pity and in the mire of questioning God's motives. He's honest-and God let's him honestly question what he does not understand, but God does not let him stay there. In verse 3, it's almost as if we can visibly see the Holy Spirit moving David's heart toward truth.

"Send out your light and your truth;
let them lead me;
let them bring me to your holy hill
and to your dwelling!

Then I will go to the altar of God,
to God my exceeding joy,
and I will praise you with the lyre,
O God, my God."

Here, we see David's desire to know the TRUTH about God's character and motives-his desire to move beyond the questions. He has faith because he knows that Truth will lead Him to God and that when he understands the true character of God, it will lead him to thankfulness.

I believe this is the on-going struggle of faith. We have seasons of questioning and seasons of certainty. What I gather from this Psalm is that questioning God is not the sin. It's how we respond to the Truth He reveals that matters.

Even more important, what I see in this Psalm is the abundant grace of God. As I mentioned before, God is so much bigger than our questions. He is not going to stomp off to a corner, pout, and ignore us because He's offended by our questions. Instead, He gently corrects us and leads us in Truth. This may not happen in the timing that we'd like for it to happen, but He does do it and the slow process is what sanctifies us.

We're Having a Girl!

2011-10-17T20:11:00.000-05:00

Hey, I'm still here! I know I've neglected this blog-I haven't been very reflective lately...or maybe it's that I haven't felt like sharing my reflections, but I think I am ready again, so if I can fins some time to breath, perhaps I will post soon!

Jeff and I found out we are having a girl! We're so excited! We didn't really care-we are just praying for a healthy baby!

I'll be back soon hopefully!

A Blessing

2011-09-02T20:45:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to write real quick and tell our good news-Jeff and I are expecting our first baby due March 1! We are really excited. Also I have my first-time-pregnant freak-out moments (What if my baby is born with two heads??!)

I will update about it here. I have sadly neglected this blog recently. The truth is, I haven't been feeling very reflective lately-or rather, I am too scared to be reflective lately. I've honestly been going through some hard questions with God-perhaps I will post about it someday soon. One thing I know, though, is that God is holding me tight.

Free Children's Prayer Journal (ages 7-10)

2011-08-07T22:49:00.000-05:00

Every year for Christmas, I buy something of spiritual significance for my niece and nephew. I am a Christian and so are their parents, so helping them learn about the Lord and develop in their own understanding of God, Jesus, and the Bible is important to us.

Last year, I looked for a kids' devotional to give to my niece, but couldn't find one I liked. Maybe I'm too picky, but I thought most of them were slightly superficial, even for children, or I had issues with their doctrine and use of scripture (taken out of context). So, if anyone knows of a good one, please let me know!

After my failed search, I decided to take on the task of writing my niece a prayer journal guide. She is 7 and has a hard time with prayer (what child doesn't?!-I am an adult and I struggle with it!) I wanted to make it fun for her, though prayer isn't always fun. But, she's a kid, after all. I wanted her to learn that prayer is simply talking to God and because God is creative, we can talk to Him creatively. I also wanted it to be something she could do on her own without any adults forcing her-but she could also share with her parents if she wanted to.

So, I asked for God's guidance and came up with a 30-day prayer journal guide based on the ACTS model of prayer (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication).

This is my first time writing anything like this for children, so I would love to get some feedback! If you are a parent of a child ages 7-10, and would like a copy of this prayer journal for free-and would be willing to give me a little honest feedback, then please email me at cupofdelight@yahoo.com I will send you a free PDF copy now and will later send out an evaluation for it.

My Daddy

2011-06-19T16:01:00.001-05:00

So, last year I posted a Mother's Day post and failed to post a Father's Day one due to being busy with work. This year is opposite! So we'll just count the past two years as one. :-)

"He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge."

~ Proverbs 14:26

I can't begin to describe just how blessed I am to have the parents I have. Neither had great childhoods, but by the grace of God they managed to break family patterns of sin and create a safe, happy, encouraging and loving childhood for me and my sister.

That's why I chose this verse in Proverbs-it is so true of my Daddy. God is his refuge and, therefore, became my refuge in childhood (and until I also made a personal decision to follow Christ!). Because God enabled my Dad to live above his past, I had a good and safe childhood experience.

My dad is the first to admit that "he is the worse of sinners" and in need of the grace of God. Humility is the first word that comes to mind when I think of my daddy. Along with that is a ripping great sense of humor, a sharp work ethic, a servant leader, loving, and so much fun!

I greatly admire my Daddy. He's been my spiritual mentor (or as he likes to call it "Stump the Dummy"), protector and friend. He was humbly willing to give me away to another great and admirable man on my wedding day. :-)

Thanks, Daddy, for being a model to me of God's great love for me. When I am full of doubts, I often think of your great love, care, and delight in me and know that God's is even greater than that-and it helps dissolves those doubts. I love being home with you and mom-both of you are so much fun and a refuge to my heart!

I love you so much and I am beyond blessed!

Love,

Cool Breeze :-)

Off to Do Missions in NYC!

2011-05-29T20:05:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow Jeff and I leave for New York City to staff a summer missions project with out ministry. I am so excited! We have about 14 college students and 8 staff going. Please pray for us. I will post a Photo of the day and a prayer request each day on our ministry blog, The Knapp Times. Please check it out!

Also, in case you're wondering what happened to 365 days of 30-I'm working on it. I know I need to catch up on posting them, so we'll see how that goes-I won't have a scanner all summer but photos might work.

What's Your Motivation in Daily Devotionals/ Good Works?

2011-05-23T14:27:00.000-05:00

"When they receive no pleasure for their devotions, they think they have not accomplished anything. This is a grave error and judges God unfairly. For the truth is, the feelings we receive from our devotional life are the least of its benefits. The invisible and unfelt grace of God is much greater-and beyond our comprehension."

-John of the Cross, circa 16th century

365 Days of 30: Days 28 and 29

2011-05-05T15:52:00.000-05:00

No, that's not a piece of hair-just a glitch.

I haven't been perfect, obviously, but I think I can honestly say that since becoming a believer at age 14, I have been walking with the Lord. I've had stagnant moments-I am having one right now, but the Lord is gracious to pull me out. This truth is convicting to me and bring up questions I need to ask myself daily-Am I arranging my schedule to serve and know Christ? Is the priority of my day to know Christ or to get personal satisfaction and numb myself from the pain of the world?

Osama Is Dead. Should we Rejoice?

2011-05-01T23:27:00.002-05:00

The past 20 minutes have been crazy, as I was on Twitter and facebook simultaneously when CNN announced Osama bin Laden has been killed. Networking sure has changed since 9/11!

My first reaction was cynical. I thought, "Meh. Someone just as bad will take his place...or someone worse." Honestly, I do fear retaliation by Al Quada. Not for my own life, but I fear the tragedy that comes with terrorism.

Then the Tweets and Facebook updates started. "God bless America!" "Go America!" "USA!"

For some reason, I just didn't feel right about that. Then Dan Haseltine, lead singer of Jars of Clay, began posing some great questions on Twitter:

"Society would have us celebrate the death of Bin Laden as if it wasn't the death of a person. Cheer for revenge? Love our enemies?...."

"Does the death of 1 atone for the many? Does it justify the affects of the war? Does it change a terrorists convictions? What does it mean?"

The truth is that only one death atones for all-that is the death of Jesus Christ. So, Dan is right-what does Osama's death really mean? It doesn't bring back the hundreds who died on 9/11. It doesn't even make it better-there is still pain and injustice surrounding terrorism that Osama's death cannot cover or stop.

So should we be rejoicing?

Osama commited a lot of heinous crimes, but he was a person-a person with a soul. He is a person with a soul who died without knowing Christ. Should we be happy that he is entering into eternal death? Should we rejoice in him burning in hell?

"Beloved,never avenge yourselves, but leave itto the wrath of God, for it is written,"Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."

Romans 12:19

It would be easy to argue that vengeance is good-afterall, God allowed many Old Testament characters to enact it right? If we go back and read those accounts, I think we will find that God's motive was JUSTICE and not REVENGE.

Killing Osama was an act of justice, no? Maybe-maybe we can rejoice in the fact that justice has been done as long as our hearts are not soaked in revenge, hate, pride, and celebration of death.

But still, I wish justice had been enacted a different way. I wish Osama had come to know Christ (that would've been radical, I know, kinda like when Saul turned to Christ)- that Christ's blood had covered his henious sins. That would've been justice too-a better justice, for Christ's blood is powerful enough to cover even the "worst" of us.

But that was not God's plan. Still, I cannot bring myself to rejoice over the loss of a life and a soul for I do not see my Saviour rejoicing over the loss of souls. Though He is sovereign and has a special love for His elect, I do not believe he laughs when souls are consumed in hell. (EZEKIEL 18:23)

We as a nation need to check our hearts. As one tweeter put it, "It breaks my heart that the death of one man can cause so much national joy, but the death millions causes such little national grief."

What Good Friday Means to Me

2011-04-22T14:44:00.000-05:00

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 5:8

^"I have beencrucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose."

Galatians 2:20-21

"May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world."

Galatians 6:14

On this side of eternity, I don't think I will ever fully grasp what my life cost the Lord, but what little I do understand overwhelms me. "Thank you," doesn't seem like enough. Even living my life for You completely isn't enough (and I am not sure possible as I mess up every day!)-and that's the way Your grace and mercy works. I can't earn it. It's not possible. So all I can do is say a weak "thank you," and know you accept that with joy because your love is far greater than mine can ever be.

365 Days of 30: Days 26 and 27

2011-04-14T21:52:00.000-05:00

This one was difficult for me. I don't like to admit that I am disappointed with things in life. I don't really have any regrets; just unmet expectations. Ones I didn't even know were there until they started pouring out of my heart and mouth that night. My husband dragged them out of me as usual-he's good at that. That's one of the reasons He is God's provision for me.

365 days of 30: days 24 and 25

2011-04-10T00:11:00.000-05:00

These are pretty self explanatory, though a note about the first one. I wrote this after Jeff and I made up from a stupid fight-I love him so much.

365 Days of 30: Days 22 and 23

2011-04-07T23:30:00.000-05:00

I have been reading up on art journaling, so I would consider this my most successful entry so far. It's so fun! I did a lot more layering with this one and experimented with acrylic paints. My favorite part is the Fruit Pastille wrapper which is indeed from my childhood in the 80s (yes I saved weird stuff as a child).

Again, fun with acrylic paints and stream of consciousness.

Are you a disciple?

2011-04-07T14:03:00.000-05:00

Today I read this description of a disciple by Dallas Willard:

A disciple is one who is intent on becoming like Christ and there arranges his/her affairs and activities with that end in mind.

Extremely convicting. Do we really arrange our daily activities with this end in mind?

365 Days of 30: Days 20 and 21

2011-04-04T23:19:00.000-05:00

And this is the only drawing you will be getting from me!

It was lost because Harris Teeter puts crack in their oatmeal raisin cookies. :-)

365 Days of 30: Days 18 and 19

2011-04-03T20:58:00.000-05:00

For this one, I wanted to include small moments I had captured from the past year. Most of them feature my niece and nephew because children are experts at making the most of small moments!

Self explanatory

365 Days of 30: days 16 and 17

2011-03-28T23:18:00.000-05:00

I know, I use a lot of Sandra. Can't help it-she writes exactly what is on my heart. I chose this song because it's one of my most favorite songs about Jesus and hope. I am finally starting to feel some hope after a dry period.

365 Days of 30: days 14 and 15

2011-03-27T23:23:00.000-05:00

This pretty much summed up my day.

This really spoke to me as I've become unhealthily independent as I've grown older.

365 Days of 30: Days 12 and 13

2011-03-25T21:38:00.000-05:00

Like how I glued that on crooked? self discovery-I am lazy. Just kidding. I already knew that.

365 Days of 30: Days 10 and 11

2011-03-22T23:50:00.000-05:00

365 Days of 30: Days 8 and 9

2011-03-22T21:04:00.000-05:00

This photo was actually taken when I was 22 by myself. I did it for a Photography assignment. I thought it fit well with the quote.

365 Days of 30: Day 7

2011-03-17T02:27:00.000-05:00

I chose this photo and quote today because it describes where I'm at and the hope for where I am going.

365 Days of 30 Day 6

2011-03-16T00:34:00.000-05:00

365 Days of 30 Days 3,4,and 5

2011-03-15T00:27:00.000-05:00

Now I'm caught up! (I was out of town so couldn't scan them)

Day 3:

Day 4:

(Explanation at bottom)

Yesterday, I spent time thinking about my current walk with the Lord. The past few months have been a struggle. These are lyrics from "On the Outside" by Sandra McCracken. They describe what I am experiencing.

Day 5

A continuation about my thoughts on my spiritual state-tinged with some hope. Lyrics also from "On the Outside." This is a painting I like which depicts the changing of Winter to Spring in Narnia, from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis.

365 Days of 30: days 1 and 2

2011-03-14T22:56:00.000-05:00

Why I Love College Students

2011-03-09T23:31:00.000-06:00

Yes these are mine-from last summer. In case you didn't know (why would you?!) "The Bernie" is a new dance craze based on the 80s movie "Weekend at Bernie's"

Solution

2011-03-04T14:16:00.001-06:00

Jeff said I ate all the goldfish, so I came up with a solution

:-)

10 More Days

2011-02-28T20:05:00.000-06:00

10 More days in my 20s, ya'll! I am thankful to be at a place where I can follow that statement with an exclamation point. It wasn't always so.

Those of you who know me know I need new ideas to be excited about or else I get bored with life. SO, I've decided that as I enter my 30s, I will embark on a new project: 365 Days of 30. Since turning 30 is a milestone in one's life-an entering into "real adulthood" as they say (who are they?), and since the normally reflective me has been unhealthily unreflective lately, I thought this a good project for me.

Each day, I will take time to reflect on life and entering my 30s. Then, I will take 15-30 minutes to either create an art collage (I've never done this-should be interesting and maybe hilarious), a photo, or something else that does not require drawing to represent my thoughts. Then I will scan it and post it for all the world to see. I also will bind them in a journal.

Should be fun, folks!

Let the Little Children Come to Me

2011-02-19T01:27:00.001-06:00

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

Matthew 19:14

There is nothing more precious to me than hearing a little child praise Jesus. They have complete trust and yet limited knowledge. I long for that kind of faith!

It's so precious to hear my two year old nephew pray and sing songs about God. Though he may not understand completely, he is worshipping all he knows of God with all he has to offer. If only I would do so more often!

My Article is in "Sanctified Together!"

2011-02-14T22:58:00.000-06:00

"Sanctified Together" recently published an article by me! I feel so blessed to be a part of this! You may have already read this post on my blog-"Not Exactly a Fairy tale," but please check out this wonderful online publication.

What is "Sanctified Together?" You can read more on their website, but basically it is a Christian online publication for women. Their purpose is "to encourage and disciple women to live set-apart lives for Christ and to be a light into the world, spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ."

Here is the direct link to my article. Hope it encourages you!

A Sobering Realization

2011-02-05T13:37:00.003-06:00

It's so easy for us, as Christians in America, to be caught up in our own little worlds. We pray for the world-asking God to reach them, but we forget what horrendous suffering the least of these are facing. We worry about money, when children a thousand miles away are eating garbage off the streets. We complain about traffic, when thousands of children around the world are being trafficked for sex. We whine about how someone else hurt our feelings or showed lack of respect when millions of children every day-even on our own doorstep-are being abused, molested, neglected.

Hundreds are being tortured and murdered for simply confessing faith in Christ while we whine about our rights being violated when our boss won't let us wear a Jesus Freak shirt on casual Friday.

They are defenseless. We have it pretty good.

My friend Cameron is working in Cambodia right now to help save children from being sold into sexual slavery. One of her teammates, Kristen, recently described one family's situation. Please read it-it is sobering.

The emotional, merciful, irrational side of me wants to sell everything I have and move to Cambodia and save these children. But I know I am not called to do that right now. At the same time, my God is not pleased when I turn around and forget their suffering. So what can we do when we are not called to go?

We can pray-I know this sounds cliche, but it's true. Prayer is both the most powerful and simplest thing we can do. we don't nearly pray enough! Follow Kristen's blog and My friend, Cameron's blog and pray for these children-and those God has called to reach them with love, mercy, and the Gospel.

We can Give-again, I will plug Cameron and Kristen because I know them (well, Cameron). They are doing what they do because others have invested in their ministry financially. There are also plenty of organizations around the world that work to stop human trafficking. Samaritan's Purse, a Christian world relief organization, has a program dedicated to this very work.

We can raise awareness and bring others alongside us to help pray, give, and go.

We can be active on our own country. It happens here too. The city I live in is a hub of sex trafficking-especially with refugees. In Charlotte, NC-which is an hour away from me-the police just busted a huge sex trafficking ring that had been going on for years. The ring was luring young foreign women over here, promising them a jobs as nannies. But when they got here, they were taken to secluded buildings where they were raped, drugged, and forced to prostitute themselves. These women are slaves-they are abused and made to be totally dependent on their pimps. They cannot get out alone. Read here about some things you can do to help.

The most important reminder I need-We can be thankful for the life we've been given here in America. I realize some of you may be going through some really hard things and truly suffering, but I am convinced that even in those times (and I've been there), we still have it really good here. I want to life a life of gratefulness-not a life of complaining over petty situations. God, help me because I need it!

Funny Flashback Friday

2011-01-22T20:24:00.001-06:00

So, this is my new little piece for Fridays. Except I am starting it on a Saturday. Go figure.

I came across some old journals. And they are hilarious. Sadly, they are from my senior year of high school, but it sounds more like a middle schooler wrote them. *sigh* So, I thought maybe you would like to share in my amusement of my young self's thoughts about life-and yes, I may be embarrassing myself but that's OK-I am no longer that over dramatic, judgmental, naive teenager! Now I am a slightly dramatic, jaded adult. Just kidding about the jaded part. And hopefully I am much more compassionate and less judgmental!

Italics are my current comments. Names have been removed to protect the clueless who won't be reading this anyway.

March 30, 1999

Dear God...

...I would like to praise You for letting me go to that NSYNC concert last week-it was AWESOME!
Really, April, REALLY?

OK-today. Well, as You know,I messed up a lot talking about ----- to Jenn. I was trying to make her feel better, but I know that is no excuse!...

... I'm so confused about my feelings sometimes. Like, why do I sin-the same sins-when afterwards I hate it so much?
Little theologian here :-)

...I want to write about my wishes for my future husband (oh geez...). Of course, first of all he must be a Christian. God, please let him have strong faith and love You more than anything-even me. (OK, not too bad for a teenager). Please let him be patient, gentle, understanding (aka, please let him be Jesus) and let him be attractive to me because I can't marry a guy who makes me puke! (hahahah)

The following are not requirements I have because I am not picky (bahaha) and want whoever You give me, but it would be really cool if You could send me a man who is funny and can make me laugh, who loves music and can sing, and who is romantic, and who has blond hair and blue eyes because that's what I am usually attracted too.
Um, was I for real? Amusingly, Jeff has brown hair and brown eyes and cannot sing...but I love him so much more than this joker I described! But he does make me laugh. :-) And I stopped the blond hair blue eyed thing in college.

It would be really cool if he was a professional musician or a youth minister or something like that. Because they are so related. I just like those jobs. Or maybe he can be a writer like me but musician would be the coolest. Clearly!

P.S. God, it's really cool that You're Almighty and All-powerful and yet I cans till talk normal to You because You're my best friend! Love ya!

Not Exactly a Fairy Tale

2011-01-18T11:56:00.000-06:00

I've been convicted of two things lately: one, that I run from difficulty and two, I am incredibly selfish.

If you think about it, it really all comes down to that I am incredibly selfish. I run from difficulty because I want to be comfortable. I want to be comfortable because I am selfish.

Amusingly, I thought I was a pretty selfless person...that is, until I got married. Just a little over a year ago-oh how blind I was! But, God is using marriage to break me of my selfishness and make me more like Christ. It is painful, but also worth it!

Looking back on my singleness, I realize much of my desire to be married was selfish. Sure, I knew in my head that marriage isn't a cake walk, that I was called to serve my spouse, that it wouldn't cure my loneliness, etc. But in my heart I still believed that marriage would be great because it would cure my loneliness-at least mostly and I would always have a BFF and someone to talk to and hang out with and cuddle whom would protect me. Basically, I wanted to be coddled.

Don't get me wrong. Marriage is great and Jeff is my best friend and we enjoy many moments of cuddling, laughing, hanging out. But, marriage is great for different reasons than I thought- it's great because it is making me more like Christ. And though that is great, it is also painful. So, marriage isn't for the faint-hearted or for those who want to be coddled.

God is SO GOOD. Had I known this fully about marriage and had I known the depths of my selfishness, I probably would've ran the other way. I would have thought I wasn't ready. But, obviously, God thought I was ready because He made it very clear to me that I was supposed to marry Jeff. SO He is gracious to have kept me subconsciously and blissfully ignorant!

And He answered my prayer-not just my prayer to be married, but a different prayer. When I was about 23 years old, I heard a speaker talk about singleness. She challenged us to pray this prayer: "Lord, do not take the gift of singleness away from me until You have done all You can in and through me with my singleness."

It terrified me. But,what if God NEVER is done using my singleness? I had to come to terms with the truth that that would've been OK. I could be happy and content with singleness for the rest of my life. And no, that is not when God brought Jeff to me. (I HATE it when people say stuff like, "When I learned to be content, that is when I met my husband!" bleh.)

There was no "arriving" at any level. Every day I prayed that prayer. Some days, I truly meant it and some days God had to work in the depths of my heart to lay my desires to be married on the altar. I had seasons when I was content and joyful and LOVED being single- and seasons when I really struggled and just wanted to be married badly.

And then God brought Jeff to me-in the midst of the seasons. Even that took a while-a building of a friendship and some silly conflict-for both of us to love each other and see God's will for us to be married.

Now I see how God really did answer my "Singleness Prayer." He was done using singleness in my life to make me more like Christ. It was time to use marriage.

It's not exactly a fairy tale, but it's my story that God is writing. I love it because I love the Author and because He is so good and perfect and knows exactly was is right for me. I am thankful for my time being single and I am thankful to be married to a man who loves God and is stumbling after Him with me though both of us are far from perfect.

And I am thankful that I can be thankful and that my heart is in a place of gratefulness today. Now onto that selfishness...

Stuck

2011-01-11T11:34:00.001-06:00

I am stuck in Texas because of snow in North Carolina. I just want to go home and see my husband, whom I've been missing the past few days, but now I have to wait. *sigh* I'm not very patient.

I am also stuck in a sort of sadness and mourning for people I know and love who are suffering today. God has given me the gift of empathy and mercy and it is a painful gift. But it IS a gift. So, Lord give me strength to stand with them.

"For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help."

Psalm 22:24

God Wants the Nations-All of Them!

2011-01-08T21:37:00.000-06:00

"And He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward Him and find Him. Yet He is actually not far from each one of us."

Acts 17:26-27

This is one of my favorite verses in the Bible. Not only does it show us that God's heart is for all nations* to know Him, but it proves His sovereignty in the making of countries and people groups (*"nations" actually refers to each individual ethnic group, not just a country). He determined their periods and and the boundaries of each people group's dwelling place! The world isn't the world by accident. Just think about how awesome that is.

When sociologists study cultures, they determine that each culture's values and ideals falls into one of three categories-good, bad, or neutral. Even in this age of universalism, most people see truth in these categories. Most people would agree that a cannibalistic tribe's practice of eating other people is bad. But perhaps this same tribe also values family and will do anything to protect their loved ones. Most would agree that is a good value. Maybe this tribe also has a practice of using the "bathroom" in dirt and then covering it with leaves and mud. That practice isn't bad or good. It may be strange to you, but there's no moral value to it. Therefore, it is neutral.

I believe there is truth to these categories and this Bible verse shows us. Yes, there will be bad and immoral values in every culture because we are depraved humans who desecrate everything in which we are involved. we live in a fallen world.

But, there will also be good and moral things in every culture-and I mean EVERY culture-ideals and values God has sovereignly preserved to show Himself to that nation.

"having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward Him and find Him."

Then there will be those things that are simply neutral.

This is also why it is ridiculous to assume your culture is better than any other.

I will use American culture as an example because it is my culture. Americans have some moral values that reflect God's character-justice, fairness, equality, concern for the welfare of other human beings to name a few (we are usually one of the first to respond to world disasters.) However, we also have many immoral values which reflect our sinful nature-individualism, materialism, arrogance to name a few. And then there's the neutral-we are really clean, like cheeseburgers, pee in porcelain bowls, and prefer a democratic form of government. Other countries may act differently, but that doesn't make these practices good or evil.

God in His mercy did not leave ANY nation to their selves. If he would have, all of our values would be immoral and mass chaos would ensue. He preserved each nation and left hints of Himself so that all may find feel their way toward Him and find Him.

The thought of it just blows me away!

Encounter Recap

2011-01-02T19:21:00.003-06:00

I love college students!

Where I'm At

2010-12-29T19:42:00.001-06:00

Physically, I am at Encounter 2010, a conference that the ministry for whom I work puts on for the college students in the Midsouth region.

Spiritually, here is where I am:

I must confess, sometimes I am afraid to write certain things on my blog. I know some of my students and supporters read my blog, therefore, I sometimes fear being judged and disrespected by them. It's because I put too much stock in what others think of me. I often think, if you really knew me, you would not be having anything to do with my ministry! But, that's the beauty of the Gospel-Christ takes broken and disgusting people and not only is He in the process of fixing us permanently, but He is also using us for His Kingdom while we are still broken.

So here's my confession-I am sick of my job. I am tired of being in full-time ministry. This irritating sentiment began this past summer and continued last semester. I hoped it was a passing phase. I still am hoping it's a passing phase. I've been in full-time ministry for 7 and a half years and I am almost 30, so I suppose this was bound to happen soon.

Don't get me wrong-I love the girls whom I disciple, but almost everything else I am sick of. I think I've lost perspective. I'm not ready to give up, though. I know God isn't calling me anywhere else.

Maybe I've been unhappy because I've lost hope in my usefulness. I need the Lord's help to live by faith. After all, ministry is a calling, not a fruit factory! He never guaranteed me fruit or that I would know the fruit-He just asked me to be faithful with what He asks of me.

But it's hard. I often question why God has me here if He's not using me.

Last night, Dr. Loritts talked about hope from Romans 5 and how endurance produces character which produces hope. We can't have hope without experiencing trials. So, my hope is that as I suffer through these emotions, God is producing in me character and hope.

I will end with a quote from Dr. Loritts that greatly encouraged me:

"Many of the world's greatest achievements were made by tired people who wouldn't stop running."

I am tired. But, Lord, help me to never stop-for Your glory. It doesn't matter if I never achieve something great.

Don't Feel Like Sharing

2010-11-27T14:39:00.000-06:00

I haven't written on this blog in a while. It's because I don't feel like sharing lately. It's not that I am afraid to share or be vulnerable...I simply haven't found joy in writing reflective blogs. Maybe after reflecting with Jesus and pouring my heart, I just don't have the energy to blog about it?

Exploring Doctrine: Are there really holes in the floor of heaven? And if so, can we fall out?

2010-11-01T21:00:00.000-05:00

Country songs that mention God and/or heaven and have really bad doctrine/theology: it's like a staple on the country music stations. There is at least one popular one circulating the airwaves at all times.

One of the funniest/stupidest is "Holes in the Floor of Heaven" by Steve Wariner from 1998. Now, bad doctrine and bad theology are really no laughing matter, but I can't help finding nearly everything in life humorous, especially lines like:

"There's holes in the floor of heaven, and she's watching over you and me."

I never knew Heaven was like Swiss cheese.

The song begins when the singer is a little boy and his grandma dies. His mother tells him not to be sad because since there are holes in floor of heaven, she's watching. Um, that's not comforting. It's kinda creepy...Oh and the reason it is raining is because his grandma's tears are falling through the holes...in the floor...of heaven.

On a serious note-Yes, this song is stupid. But the most disturbing bad doctrine is this:

"There's holes in the floor of heaven, and her tears are pouring down, that's how you know she's watching, wishing she could be here now."

How in Heaven can anyone be in the presence of the Almighty and loving, gracious God of the universe and wish they were still back on this filthy, broken, horrible, awful earth??????!!!!!!!!!!

Revelation 21:4 describes heaven like this:

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, anddeath shall be no more,neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

There are no tears to fall through the alleged holes nor any wishing to be out of God's presence!

And who said there was even a floor in heaven anyway?

Scripture Nugget: Origins of the Name "Christian"

2010-10-30T22:48:00.000-05:00

"And in Antioch the disciples were first called Christians."

Acts 11:26

Did you know this little piece of information was in the Bible? Christians were not called "Christian" until the Greeks dubbed us. I guess the Jewish non-believers merely called the early Jewish believers "blasphemers."

Explanation of photo for those who don't get me:
I googled "Christian" to see what pictures would pop up and got this. I'm in a witty mood so I put it as my post photo. In case you live in a bat cave, that is Christian Bale. When I was 10, I was determined to marry him. I'm glad I married my sweetie pie Jeff instead. Not that CB would have me anyway, what with his billion dollars and anger management issues. Alas, we all have issues so I pray he comes to truly know Jesus and not just merely respect Him as a "great teacher." Oh and I've heard he's actually nice-it's just that his bad temper moments get publicized where mine do not. Thankfully.

How to Be Happy and Fullfilled in Marriage

2010-10-28T21:42:00.000-05:00

"The times that I am happiest and most fulfilled in my marriage are the times when I am intent on drawing meaning and fulfillment from becoming a better husband rather than from demanding a 'better' wife."

- Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage

(And vice versa :-))

Want to Keep Your Heart In Tact?

2010-10-23T11:13:00.000-05:00

"If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, inpenetrable, irredeemable."

-C.S. Lewis The Four Loves

Which Path: Destruction or Growth?

2010-10-19T23:18:00.001-05:00

It scares me that the same sin can lead one person down the path to destruction, but can lead another down the path of growth. I recently read an article which said the choice is mine. I am sinful, but how I respond to that sin will determine which path I go down. My choice will determine the successor failure of my relationships.

That scared the pants off me! Without God, I will always choose destruction. I am prone to it. That's why it is so important for me to be walking daily with Christ, moment by moment-contemplating the Gospel so that I rest in His grace and grow rather than hiding my sin and thus blaming other people for it.

Help me, Lord, to choose growth and not destruction. Give me the ability to do so. I need your grace!

Wanting the Path to Growth,

Amusing Little Nugget of Scripture

2010-10-19T07:53:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, when I am reading the Bible, I come across a piece of scripture that just makes me smile. Usually it comes from the Old Testament. Usually, this is a piece of scripture that I have hard time applying to myself outside of its bigger context, but the actual words amuse me.

Here is one such verse I read this morning:

"For by You I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall."

Psalm 18:29

Now, for soldiers, the first half of this verse is comforting. I'm not a soldier. The second half-it made me giggle. I just pictured myself making this fantastic leap over a wall in a kind of floating matter-like from the Matrix or Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

Maybe I just have a weird mind...speaking of, I need to start blogging my dreams because they are always weird, crazy and amusing. But, I keep forgetting them so I need to write them down!

In Memory of a Beautiful Woman

2010-10-18T19:27:00.001-05:00

"You have made my days a mere hand breadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you; Each man's life is but a vapor."

Psalm 39:5

Chris wasn't a blood relative, but she was family to my family. She was only 52 years young when she passed away on Friday. She had already lived through cancer, but this time it was terminal.

Chris was a beautiful person inside and out. Though she suffered greatly over the past few years battling different types of cancer, her faith never wavered. She knew God is sovereign. She knew He could heal her if He willed-and He did for some time, giving her a few more years with her family and beloved husband, Dick.

Chris was always full of joy and love. She cared much for others and took the time to express that love. Last December, she and Dick drove all the way to NC from Michigan to celebrate our wedding with us-and they are not even "family" (but they are! :-))

I wished she did not live so far and I could have known her better. In August, I was able to have a good, heart-to-heart conversation with her, so I am thankful for that. I admired her faith and strength. She will be greatly missed, though we are full of joy that she knew and walked with the Lord. I know she is celebrating her return home with Him now.

Love you Chris!

God in Art: Surprise Wisdom in "Community"

2010-10-12T23:43:00.000-05:00

My absolute favorite show on TV right now is NBC's Community. It's is absolutely hilarious and quirky. Shortly after Glee's religion episode, Community also kind of approached the topic of religion. Of course, they have before during last year's Christmas episode being that Shirley is an evangelical Christian, Pierce is "Reformed Buddhist" (I think they made it up), Troy is a Jehovah's Witness, Annie is Jewish, Abed is Muslim, Britta is an atheist, and Jeff-well, he just doesn't care.

In Last Thursday's episode, Pierce (played by the venerable Chevy Chase) carries around what he believes is his mom's energy in a lava lamp after she dies.Because of his "reformed Buddhist" beliefs, he refuses to believe his mother is actually dead. Jeff, who is normally accepting of all religions, freaks out because his cholesterol is high, despite his life-long attempts to live healthy. He deals with his depression about growing old by trying to convince Pierce his religion is really a bogus cult.

Community usually deals with the topic of religion tastefully and hilariously and this was no exception, being that the religion they mocked is made up. Normally, it's just entertaining, but I was surprised by the wisdom spoken by the usually goofy Professor Ian Duncan (played by the hilarious John Oliver, also of "The Daily Show" fame).

Jeff complains to the professor that he has sacrificed his whole life for good health and now he has bad cholesterol and is dying like everyone else. The professor replies, "By denying all other gods, you've therefore made yourself god. And now, you've realized your god has weakness, so you're trying to tear down Peirce's."

What a true statement! When we deny there is a god, we are really saying "I am god." Even if we acknowledge God, when we refuse to live according to His authority we still say, "I am god." But like all idols, we are weak and will be destroyed. We are not gods. We are sinners in need of a Saviour.

God in Art: Glee and Jesus

2010-10-08T16:35:00.005-05:00

Alright I admit it. I love Glee. How can I not? They sing and dance and both Idina and Kristen were guest stars!

But seriously, Glee has been full of uber stereotypes and ridiculous scenarios from Day 1, but it had a charm to it. (I use "had" because I've been unimpressed with the lack of depth from recent episodes). The charm was that though each character is over-stereotypical, a small character surprise would peak out. The charm was that there was always a redemptive theme at the end of the episode.

I went into this week's episode with mixed feelings. The previous two episodes were story-less and character poor. This week's episode was about religion. Oh dear...And I ended the episode with even more mixed feelings.

As a follower of Christ, the way Hollywood portrays Christians simultaneously breaks my heart and angers me. It's rarely accurate and always blown out of proportion. And it's never fair to true Christians. It wouldn't bother me if media wasn't so influential in people's thoughts. I could care less what the world thinks of me, but I DO want them to see the awesomeness and love of Jesus. (I do have a high value for fairness, so it does anger me that it's OK to mock Christians, but if they mocked Jewish people or Muslims in the same way, they would've been attacked as hate-mongers)

I guess I shouldn't be surprised by how religion was portrayed on Glee. First of all, it's about high school students, who, let's be frank, tend to usually be very self-centered. Of course, they tried to portray Christians, Jews, and atheists-but only the Christians were mocked and put down. Each character represented a different thought about God and the sad reality is that it DID represent how most of the world views God.

Let's take a look:

Fin= superstitious kid who thinks God is a genie. He sees an image of Jesus in his grilled cheese and prays to that image and asks for three things-all of which are selfish. And then even when he gets them all, he then doubts the existence of God and whines about it. Completely self-centered. Sound familiar?

Mercedes= The typical caring but unaware Christian. Here, the writers of Glee attempted to shed a good light on Christians (after mocking them). Mercedes truly cares about Kurt and the pain he's going through and invited him to church selflessly-not for her sake, but for his. But she also tells him she doesn't know how to be around him in his professed atheist state. The message of her church is a "feel good" message-not the Gospel.

Quinn= hypocritical, confused Catholic girl who berates Kurt for not believing in God, but spent last season pregnant after a one night stand of drunkenness with Puck, who btw, was not her boyfriend.

Kurt= decided atheist. He can't believe in God because why would a God make him gay and then tell him He was wrong? An understandable question, but again, a self-centered one based on a a lot of assumptions about one's rights and understanding of God's nature. He doesn't believe in God, but he gets a lady to come do acupuncture on his comatose dad to heal him. Mercedes asks him, "Is it working?" and he says-in faith-"Not yet."

Rachel=The girl who uses religion to look good and feel good about herself. She is staunchly Jewish, but gives no purpose as to why except that her fathers' people suffered (her dads are gay). Self centered.

Sue-Anti-religious and hateful toward faith because she once believed but God didn't answer her prayers so she got angry and stopped believing. Again, self-centered.

All other characters had little to say and seemed to care less that there was or was not a God, which is pretty representative of how most of the world thinks. Each character was completely self-centered in their faith, but they were the ones who were uncertain if what they stood for was actually true.

But sadly, this IS representative of how most the world views God: focused on self and what they can get out of it instead of on the God of the universe. The atheist says "I'm jaded therefore there is no God." while the religious man says, "I believe only if God gives me something as a result or I believe, but I'm going to strive for it on my own terms."

A biblical Christian's attitude SHOULD be, "I am a sinner and hopeless without Christ, therefore I will selflessly love others who are hopeless without Christ." And that is what was missing from this episode.

The one aspect of the episode I did like was the irony-the one voice of reason was the counselor who is normally OCD and crazy. And the one voice of hope and selfless faith was Sue's mentally retarded sister who has suffered her whole life but cares more for other people. The moment between Sue and her sister made me tear up (reminiscent of last year's Glee!). Sue tells her sister she doesn't believe because she prayed God would heal her mental retardation and He didn't. Her sister replies, "God doesn't make mistakes. That's what I believe," leaving Sue to realize that her doubt was based on her own lack of understanding.

I was also annoyed by some non-important, non-faith issues. For example, the writing was inconsistent. Last year, we saw Kurt struggle to admit to his macho father that he is gay, but in a flashback scene we see his father playing girly tea party with him as a kid...doesn't match up...

Also I love REM's "Losing My Religion." Completely taken out of context!! Finn sings this song when he realizes it wasn't his grilled cheesus who made them win the football game, let him get to 2nd base with Rachel, and broke a kid's arm so he could be quarterback again. "Losing My Religion" is about legalism that leads a person to forget what he/she professes to believe because he/she is too concerned with looking better than others.

At the end of the episode, they sing "What If God Was One of Us," as if they learned something about being selfless and loving others when no such plot was developed. Poorly Done.

And that's how April Cs it.

Good Reflection About Homosexuality

2010-10-05T15:43:00.000-05:00

Here is a well-thought and well-worded response (in my opinion) to the sad story about the boy who committed suicide after his roommate posted a video of him making out with another guy.
Between the Boy and the Bridge-A Haunting and Burning Question

Please read the entire article before forming an opinion.

A Wee Bit of Me-I want to Know a Wee Bit of You Too!

2010-09-30T22:16:00.001-05:00

So, Leigh Ashley forgot to post this yesterday and did it today, so I figure it's ok for me to do it today too..since I forgot!

And please tell me a wee bit about you too! Also, thanks for your supportive and encouraging comments!!

{one} what is your biggest pet peeve?Drivers in Greensboro-seriously we have the worse drivers in America!
{two} what is your favorite dessert?Ice cream!!
{three} what is the first thing you notice about people?The expression on their face.
{four} are you usually late, early or right on time?late
{five} have you ever fired a gun?Yep. Skeet shootin' I shot 2 out of 100....
{six} are you right-handed or left-handed?right
{seven} which do you prefer: coke or pepsi?COKE DIET COKE
{eight} do you dance crazy when no one is looking?Of course. I dance crazy when people ARE looking.
{nine} what’s your favorite movie snack?Popcorn, diet coke, and milk duds
{ten} do you scream on roller coasters?no they don't sceer me

Wanting to Hide

2010-09-29T21:45:00.000-05:00

I am a flighter-and a hider. When things are not so great in life, my favorite escape is to curl up in my bed, enveloped in covers, and hide.

It's probably not extremely healthy. However, the Lord has worked in my life since I came to know Him at age 14. I still hid in my bed, enveloped in covers, but I also hid with Jesus. Yes, I was still absolutely ridiculous at times, but I felt the assurance that Jesus loved me despite my ridiculous thoughts and He very often corrected them. I became comfortable with this coping mechanism. I wouldn't always hide in bed, but I still would isolate myself and be only with Jesus and not deal with "those other people" because "I just couldn't deal with them right now."

But now I am married and often when I want to hide from Jeff, I can't. (Not always because of conflict with him, but even with life in general) I can't because I'm not by myself anymore. I can't because we're one and every action and choice I make affects him. I can't because he will follow me and relentlessly pursue me, even if I am a total witch to him.

It's a beautiful complication. I am thankful to have a husband who pursues me in dark moments, who won't let me believe lies and get away with moping. But it was so much easier to run and hide from everyone and everything!

I am convinced this is one of the reasons God had me marry in the first place. He knew I couldn't hide forever, so he placed me with a partner I live AND work with. Besides being an overseas missionary, marriage has been the biggest sanctification process in my life. It's painful (the sanctification part, not being with Jeff!! :-))

Wanting to Hide,

Among Suffering or the Lillies-Which do you choose?

2010-09-27T00:13:00.000-05:00

"The Kingdom is to be in the midst of your enemies. And he who will not suffer this does not want to be of the Kingdom of Christ; he wants to be among friends, to sit among roses and lilies, not with the bad people but the devout people. O you blasphemers and betrayers of Christ! If Christ had done what you are doing who would ever have been spared?"

-Martin Luther

A Wee Bit About Me

2010-09-16T20:16:00.000-05:00

I found this blog and thought this activity would be fun. Feel free to respond and answer the questions too-it is not all about me for sure!!!

{one} have you ever won a trophy? if yes, for what?I had trophies as a kid for like cheerleading and softball-you know the ones everyone gets!
{two} what was your favorite subject in school?English was always my favorite. And band. I was a band nerd.
{three} what time do you get up in the morning?It depends on the day.
{four} if you could open your own business, what would it be?Oh gosh, there are so many choices! For a while, I wanted to open a coffee and cupcake shop. I had this brilliant idea that in the morning and all day, we'd serve muffins, coffee, and cupcakes and then at night we'd serve mocktails. I wanted to call it "Muffins and Mocktails." But, I also would like to sell things I've made and in my dream world be fashion designer.
{five} if you could spend the evening with one rock star/band, who would it be?This question would've been easy at one time since I was obsessed with meeting my favorite musicians...now I don't really care...but U2 would be cool.
{six} what sitcom character reminds you of you?I have no idea...maybe Pam from the Office? Because she's kind of a people-pleaser/push-over.
{seven} what are the 3 most important things to you?Jesus, Jeff, and Family
{eight} chips or popcorn?Popcorn! I actually don't like chips...I know it's weird...
{nine} have you ever ordered anything from an infomercial?No, but watching them late at night, you start to think "Hmm..maybe I do NEED a Ginsu knife...I don't think mine cut through tennis balls!
{ten} what is one thing that you are grateful for today?That my husband loves me even when I am a complete witch. Now, it's your turn!!!

But, what if God DOESN'T provide??!

2010-09-14T17:06:00.000-05:00

A Reflection on Matthew 6:25-24

I have a hard time with this verse. Maybe it's my weak faith, but instead of comforting me, this passage brings up more fear and doubt in my heart. "What if God DOESN'T provide-and then I have a crisis of faith?!"

I think a lot of my fear stems from the fact that my culture has skewed the interpretation of this passage. Most American Christians say this passage means, "Don't worry, God will provide!" but they never explore what it means to actually be provided for. A lot of times, our opinion of what we need is not God's.

God seems to be saying here that our basic needs are secondary to Him and that He will provide for our basic needs. What about the thousands of people who don't live in rich America who are starving and yet seeking God? There is a family who attends my church. They are refugees from the Congo. One of their sons related a story about how, often times while living in the refugee camp, they didn't eat for a week. "Americans don't understand what it means to be hungry," he said.

This family is a family that passionately loves and seeks God. AND THEY DIDN'T EAT FOR A WEEK. More than once! It would be easy for me, a spoiled American, to be in that situation and whine, "God you broke your promise! You didn't provide!"

But He did provide for this family. Just not in the way we Americans understand provision. Yes, they starved for a week (several times) and yes, they suffered greatly. But God did not let one of the 12 of them die (yes, they have 10 kids!). And He did give them food just in time so that they could survive. He eventually rose them out of that situation and brought them here, where they never go a day without eating. They didn't eat for a week, and yet they are probably the most grateful people I've ever met. They have strong faith in a God who provides.

God must look on America with pity. Our faith is weakened by our wealth and opportunity for immediate satisfaction.

Lord, help me remember that my idea of my needs are often not what I really need. Help me to seek You above all for YOU and not what I can gain from it. Help me to believe that, no matter the circumstance, You are working for the good of my character and holiness, like You promised.

Abundantly Provided For,

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Exploring Doctrine: Hard to Stumble?

2010-09-08T22:18:00.001-05:00

Today I am exploring the doctrine presented in this Christian t-shirt, on sale over the Internet:

Can I just get it out of the way and say I am amused by the cowboy image?!!

My initial reaction to this t-shirt (probably because I question everything) is: Um, actually it's really easily to stumble, even when I am praying because I am a wretched sinner who is prone to wandering. THAT IS WHY I NEED JESUS!! ("We all stumble in many ways. James 3:2)

But what exactly is this shirt communicating? Is it about prayer? Is it about dependence? Both since they go hand-in-hand?

And why does every Christian t-shirt have to have a cheesy play on words?

There is some truth the this shirt's message. When we pray, we show dependence on God-but that all depends on our heart and attitude in prayer. When we depend on God, we are less likely to stumble because HE is the one who gives us the power to live according to His Word.

"Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. "

2 Corinthians 3:4-6

However, if you're approaching prayer as a legalistic "check off," then you are actually more likely to stumble.

^"but Israel, who pursued a law of righteousness, has not attained it. Why not? Because they pursued it not by faith but as if it were by works. They stumbled over the "stumbling stone."

Romans 9:31-32

What are your thoughts??

God in Art: The Queens Thief Series by Megan Whalen Turner

2010-09-06T20:59:00.000-05:00

*Warning: There are spoilers about this series in this entry!

I love art-I enjoy every form at least a little bit. Whether it be photography, paintings, dance, music, literature, theater, movies, etc-I love it. I believe God created us to be creative and enjoy creativity because He is creative. I think many Christians miss out on truth and beauty in art because they are too afraid of "being exposed to sin." I am not saying we should go out and do whatever, but I DO believe God shows Himself in art-even art done by non-believers or not-yet-believers (even if they do not realize it!) So, when we make rigid rules about what is "Christian" and therefore "OK," we miss out on the beauty God displays when His truth is reflected in creativity.

So, every once in a while I like to reflect on how God shows up in art and I will do that here.

If you've never read any of Megan Whalen Turner's books, stop right now. Go to Amazon and buy them NOW! I reviewed all of the published Queen's Thief Series on my other blog if you would like to read why they are such great books (I write short reviews).

The novels are chalk-full of religious imagery. The religion of the characters is most closely compared to Greek or Roman mythology and polytheism. However, the characteristics of Gen's, the main character, god is more like the Christian concept of God. Gen's god is not fickle, sensual, and human-like as the Greek and Romans god tended to be.

So, at first glance,it might seem that there is no true concept of God or theology in these books. But there are many parallels. My sister,who has thought about this much more, has written a wonderful dissertation on all those parallels here.

I am not going into detail, but am focusing on one aspect-the one that drew me most strongly to these stories (besides the plot twists)-the love story of Gen and Irene. Now before you roll your eyes and start sighing, please note that I am NOT a hopeless romantic. I have very realistic views about human love. I can't stand Twilight and there are maybe two romantic comedies that I actually like.

However, the way Gen loves Irene speaks of a greater love-one that we all long for-one without condition or pretenses. It represents the love that only God can give us. Though Gen is a flawed character and not a perfect lover, the story speaks to a longing deeply rooted in our souls.

I'll give you a little synopsis: Gen (Eugenides) first meets Irene (Attolia), the Queen of Attolia (though he's seen her before) when he is arrested and imprisoned in her dungeon. She offers him a job, but he refuses out of loyalty to his own queen. Irene is seemingly cruel and cold and she is terrified of Gen, an expert thief and mastermind. She knows he is breaking into her castle, but she cannot find him and she is terrified he will kill her. So, when she catches him, she punishes him by chopping off his right hand-his master tool. Not a good start to a love affair...

Her actions are torture to Gen. She not only painfully physically tortures him by this action, but she strips him of all pride. We see him wallow in anguish and later on, when he kidnaps her, we expect him to seek revenge. But he doesn't. Instead he tells her that he deeply loves her and wants to marry her. She laughs at him, not believing a word. She retorts that his love is "calf love." "Calf love doesn't survive amputation," is his response.

Later, we see her wrestle with this love. She might love him back, but she is afraid to let herself. She appears hard and cold, but we see her deep insecurities come out in the end-she feels undeserving of his love and she is right!

"Looking at his arm, Attolia said, 'I cut off your hand'...She thought of the hardness and the coldness she had cultivated over these years and wondered if they were the mask the she wore or if the mask had become her self. If the longing inside her for kindness, warmth, compassion, was the last seed of hope for her, she didn't know how to nurture it or if it could live. Unable to guess the answer, she asked, "Who am I, that you should love me?'
'You are my Queen," said Eugenides.
She sat perfectly still, looking at him without moving as his words dropped like water into dry earth."

The reason I love this love story and am so drawn to it is because it so closely resembles my love story with Christ-and probably all of ours. Before we know Him, we mask ourselves with doubt and hardness. We torture Him with our sin and hate of Him, but instead of taking deserved revenge, He died for us-so that we would not have to experience spiritual death and hell. WHO WOULD DO THAT?! No one but a God who defines love.

When we are exposed to His unconditional love, based on no merits of our own, we are afraid. "Who am I that Christ should love me?" we ask. He simply does because He is love, like Gen simply loved Irene because he chose to love her, based on no merits of her own.

I love how Turner describes his words dropping "like water into dry earth." The truth that Gen loved her unconditionally-that she did nothing to gain his love-quenched her longing for something true and deeper in life.

"Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 5:7-8

Undeservedly His,

Pain in Love

2010-09-01T21:38:00.001-05:00

"But it is so happy to love," said the Shepherd quietly. "It is happy to love even if you are not loved in return. There is pain, too, certainly, but Love does not think that very significant."

- from Hinds Feet in High Places by Hannah Hurnard

Free samples of Caedmon's Call and Jars of Clay!

2010-08-31T23:31:00.000-05:00

To hear Jars of Clay's new album The Shelter in its entirety CLICK HERE. It goes off tomorrow!

To download samples of Caedmon's Call new CD for FREE visit Noisetrade

Down in the Valley

2010-08-26T20:31:00.000-05:00

It's been hard for me to post anything but songs lately. To be honest, I am going through a somewhat rough time spiritually and emotionally and I am unsure why. Therefore, it's been difficult to reflect.

About two weeks ago, my staff team listened to a sermon by Tim Keller about spiritual hard times. Teaching out of Psalms 42 and 43, Keller said that all Christians go through these periods. I already have several times. Sometimes it's a result of our own behaviour, but sometimes it just happens!

I think most believers are bad at handling these times. I know I am. I tend to respond moralistically and think, "Man, I missed something on my spiritual check list and THAT'S why I feel this way!." Sometimes our fellow believers, like Job's friends, say the same thing to us and are not very helpful.

But, it's not about missing items on a checklist (that, by the way, WE have created, not God!) and Keller mentioned some right ways to respond int his time (NOT a cure-all): Pour out your soul to God, Analyze your hopes, Remember the grace of God, and Learn to preach truth to yourself.

I haven't really been responding well. I've been trying to ignore it and pretend it isn't there. Being in full-time ministry, spiritual hard times seem extra difficult because it's my "job" to be a spiritual leader and mentor. How can I do that when I feel like I'm falling apart?

And it has come at a really difficult time-the busiest week of the year, when it is easy to push time with the Lord aside. And on top of all this, there is some spiritual warfare going on at one of our campuses about which I will not go into detail. Ugh.

My only hope is that God is gracious and HE is holding me up-always and especially when I realize that I can't hold myself up. I've made a lot of bad responses in this period (e.g. escaping through sleep, going on tirades about the "jerks" in power) but God is gracious and much more faithful than I am!

I know it will get better and I long to run to the Lord instead of other things and by His grace, I will.

I am reminded of a song by Caedmon's Call called "Valleys Fill First," which encourages me. The chorus goes:

"Down in the valley, dying of thirst,

Down in the valley, it seems that I'm at my worst,

My consolation is when You baptise this earth,

Though I'm down in the valley, valleys fill first!"

In the valley, but learning,

Song Challenge 26 and 27

2010-08-23T22:40:00.001-05:00

26: A Song You can Play On an Instrument
I used to play any and all showtunes on my clarinet. I think I can still do it.

27: A Song You Wish You Could Play on An Instrument

I wish I could play the piano and this is one of the songs I wish I could play.
"To Know You" by Nichole Nordeman

Song Challenge Days 19-25

2010-08-20T20:58:00.000-05:00

Song challenge With

Here's my catch-up:

Day 19: A Song from Your Favorite Album:

"Wedding Dress" from Derek Webb's She Must and Shall Go Free

Day 20: A Song You Listen to When You're Angry

"No More Tears" by Sandra McCracken

Day 21: A Song You Listen to When You're Happy

Again, "You Can't Stop the Beat"

Day 22: A Song You Listen to When You're Sad

"Portrait of an Apology" Jars of clay

Day 23: A Song You Want to Play at Your Wedding:

Well, I just got married in December. One of our songs was "Satisfied"

day 24: A Song You Want Played At Your Funeral:

haven't really thought about it actually

Day 25: A Song That Makes You Laugh:

"Great Big Stuff" from Dirty Rotten Scounderls the musical

Music Challenge Day 18: A Song That You Wish You Heard on the Radio

2010-08-20T20:50:00.000-05:00

Music Challenge With

"On the Outside" by Sandra McCracken

I already wrote about this song Here

Song Challenge Day 17: A Song You Hear Often on the Radio

2010-08-20T20:44:00.000-05:00

Song Challenge With

These days, it's a little ditty called, "Cooler Than Me" by Duke (blah) grad Michael Posner

Song Challenge Day 16: A Song You Used to Love But Now Hate

2010-08-16T00:53:00.000-05:00

Song Challenge With

Part of me feels bad for hating a Christian song...but that's the moralist in me worrying. (Go away moralist!!) Part of me feels bad that I ever actually liked this cheesy piece of bad theology. Here are the lyrics-with commentary.

Jesus Freak

by DC Talk

Separated, I cut myself clean

from a past that comes back in my darkest of dreams

(First of all, Toby mac and boys, you didn't cut yourself clean. You can't. Only Jesus can rescue and redeem you. They missed the Gospel in the first line of a song about Jesus!!)

Been apprehended by a spiritual force

(Ah! Jesus arrested me!)

and a grace that replaced all of me I divorced

Saw a man with a tat on his big fat belly

(Wasn't this a clue of how dumb this song would be?)

It wiggled around like marmalade jelly

(I have absolutely no comment that does this justice)

It took me a while to catch what it said

'cause I had to match the rhythm of his belly with my head

(Just when I thought it couldn't get dumber...)

'Jesus Saves' is what it raved in a typical tattoo green

(Why did he tat this on his BELLY and why is his belly showing?)

He stood on a box in the middle of the city and he claimed he had a dream.

(This sounds a little obnoxious to me, not winsome)

What will people think when they hear that I'm a Jesus Freak?

What will people do when they find that it's true?

I don't really care if they label me a Jesus Freak,

There 'Aint No Disguising the Truth

(I don't have much problem with the chorus other than it leaves me wondering...are people calling you a Jesus Freak simply because you love Jesus or because you really are a freak?)

Kamikaze, my death is gain

(So, does this mean they think suicide attacks are a good idea? Or did they just think it was a cool word?)

I've been marked by my Maker a peculiar display

The high and lofty they see me as weak,

'cause I won't live and die for the power they seek

There was a man in the desert with naps in his head

(Here we go again-and pretty sure a white rapper should avoid using the word "nap" when describing some one's hair)

The sand that he walked was also his bed

The words that he spoke made the people assume

there wasn't too much left in the upper room

(In case you didn't catch it, they're talking about John the Baptist-except I am pretty sure no one called him crazy. In fact, even the religious leaders tried to get him to baptize them)

With skins on his back and hair on his face

They thought he was strange by the locusts he ate

(Probably true)

The Pharisees tripped when they heard him speak

(Nice, Toby Mac. Nice)

Til the King Took the head of this Jesus Freak

People say I'm strange, does it make me a stranger

That my best friend was born in a manger?

People say I'm strange, does it make me a stranger

That my best friend was born in a manger?

(OK, this doesn't even make any sense!)

Song Challenge Day 15: A Song That Describes You

2010-08-16T00:21:00.000-05:00

Song Challenge With

"Gone Are the Days"

by Nichole Nordeman

Do I dare even where what I was thinking of?

My true colors bleeding on my sleeve

Do I chance the romance that I've been dreaming of

Instead of wishing for it quitely?

Always at a distance,

I wish You'd safely stayed

Despite my resistance

You sought me anyway

Gone are the days,

Of all that I was afraid of

I've left behind the traces of who I've been

I'm no longer able

To wrestle with this angel

And the closer You get I can let You love me

I had found it was easier to dance around

The edges of who I could be

If I chose to expose what grows deep down

Would You still desire what You see?

No more self-rejection

No longer paralized

This holy perfection

Is me inside Your eyes

Gone are the days,

Of all that I was afraid of

I've left behind the traces of who I've been

I'm no longer able

To wrestle with this angel

And the closer You get I can let You love me

Nevermind this mirror hanging on the wall

'Cause I could not pretend to be the fairest of them all

Took a hammer to the glass

To shatter all the pieces, the pieces of my past

The Most Popular Song on the Radio-Sexualizing and Glorifying Abuse

2010-08-12T14:02:00.002-05:00

Do you know what the most popular song on the radio is today? The most requested? A local DJ said yesterday, "This song is so great. Everyone likes it. I haven't met anyone who doesn't like this song."

It's a song called, "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem and Rihanna. Yes, the song has a great beat and melody that work well together...but have you paid attention to the lyrics?? Is anyone actually listening? Or does the simplicity of a good beat and melody mask the disturbing message of this song?

If you haven't heard it-or don't pay attention to lyrics-let me break it down for you. Eminem raps from the perspective of a man in a dysfunctional relationship fueled by passion and hate. He says he loves his women, but he really hates her at times too-hates her so much he physically and verbally abuses her. ("You swore you'd never hit 'em, Never do nothing to hurt 'em, Now you're in each other's face Spewing venom and these words when you spit 'em, You push pull each other's hair, Scratch, claw, bit 'em Throw 'em down")

And the most disturbing line of the song-

"There will be no next time, I apologize even though I know it's lies. I'm tired of the games; I just want her back. I know I'm a liar -If she ever tries to f-ing leave again I'm gonna tie her to the bed and set this house on fire."

And the woman's reaction?

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn-that's alright because I like the way it hurts."

WHAT?!! I cannot even begin to describe how disturbing and sick the message of this song is. An interesting choice for Rihanna, who last year was praised for leaving her abusive boyfriend, Chris Brown, after he landed her in the hospital.

OK, so I can see the counter-arguments arising. "Eminem and Rihanna are just performing a song that describes a slice of life. They are merely describing the attitudes and passions of an abuser and a victim." That may be true-and we all know this isn't the first time Eminem has rapped about violently abusing and murdering someone he "loves." In the words of my husband-"If he ever murders someone, he's screwed. He has already described in detail how he's going to do it multiple times."

What is disturbing is that people seem to think the attitudes and passions described in this song are normal. So normal that they request to listen to this tirade of abuse over and over again. They enjoy listening to a man describe how he is going to kill a woman if she ever tries to leave him again.

In doing research for this post, I watched the video on YouTube once. I do not recommend it. The message of the video is arguably even worse. We see the couple, portrayed by sex symbols Megan Fox and Dominic Monaghan hitting each other and throwing each other around which leads them into a passionate make-out session. The message: passionate hate and abuse leads to good sex.

Though some will claim the video "warns of the cycles of an abusive relationship," I really don't see that since the sex is so overly emphasized. Though Monaghan claims, "We tried to not glorify the violence, but show this is a relationship that is not ideal," the video does the very opposite. It emphasizes the sex, making this type of relationship look sexy and alluring.

It is so unhealthy and dysfunctional and disturbing. And yet the majority of our society loves this song, which is also made evident by the comments left on YouTube. I am not really blaming Eminem and Rihanna. Maybe they did set out to make a song describing the negative cycle of an abusive relationship. If that was their aim, they missed it. Nowhere do we see this kind of behaviour condemned or being called out as unhealthy. In fact, there is even a line which says, "Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems." And again, we hear the girl responding over and over again, "That's alright-I like it."

It's a sad commentary on our society that we've glorified abuse and made it look sexy. And Megan Fox claims to be a feminist. How is this empowering women? Anyone who has been abused and/or in an abusive relationship can tell you that it is not sexy-it's degrading and emotional murder.

It makes me weep for the depravity of our nation. Lord Jesus, please redeem our culture and come back soon and make this right!

Disturbed,

Song Challenge: Day 14: A Song No One Would Expect You to Love

2010-08-11T22:46:00.000-05:00

Song Challenge With

This is a hard one. I am so random that I don't think any of my likes are too much of a surprise. Uh, I've been sitting here for like five minutes because I seriously cannot think of anything. OK, this is not a particular song, but more like a genre because it's all I can think of. I love bluegrass, especially love. That usually surprises people. So we're going to go with a little Foggy Mountain Breakdown!

Song Challenge Day 13: A Song That is a Guilty Pleasure

2010-08-11T00:01:00.000-05:00

30 Day Song Challenge With

My Gulty Pleasure Is...

Quitting Christianity

2010-08-10T00:35:00.000-05:00

You may have hear the news-12 years after becoming a Christian, author Anne Rice has "quit Christianity." In her own words (from an interview with the LA Times) she explains why she is fed up with Catholicism and Christianity:

"Well, I've been living with this now for 12 years, and I've come to the conclusion from my experience with organized religion that I have to leave, that I have to, in the name of Christ, step away from this. It's a matter of rejecting what I've discovered about the persecution of gays, the persecution and oppression of women and the actions of the churches on many different levels. I've also found that I can't find a basis in Scripture for a lot of the positions that churches and denominations take today, and I can't find any basis at all for an anointed, hierarchical priesthood. So all of this finally created a pressure in me, a kind of confusion, a toxic anger at times, and I felt I had to step aside."

Rice says she hasn't quit Christ, just organized Christianity.

"My faith in Christ is central to my life. My conversion from a pessimistic atheist lost in a world I didn't understand, to an optimistic believer in a universe created and sustained by a loving God is crucial to me. But following Christ does not mean following His followers. Christ is infinitely more important than Christianity and always will be, no matter what Christianity is, has been, or might become"

The reaction has been mixed. Some Christians praise her while others condemn her. It's a picture of a sad truth that many of us are caught in either religion or irreligion-and not the Gospel.

Though I do not agree with many of Rice's persuasions and opinions, I do believe she desires to follow Christ. She's just fed up with what she's seen in her church-the quarreling and judging are two issues she named on her facebook page. And I empathize with her. I get fed up with Christians too.

But it deeply saddens me that her response is to run away-to quit the community of believers and attempt to follow Christ on her own. Yes, each of our relationships with Christ is personal, but we also need each other. God did not intend for anything else. That's why there is a ton of scripture about the body of Christ. God Himself exists in eternal community with the Father, Son, and Spirit. I hope she comes back-she needs us more than she realizes.

I thought the perspective in this article was good.

Thirty Day Song Challenge Days 11, 12

2010-08-09T12:19:00.000-05:00

30 Day SOng Challenge With

Day 11: A Song from Your Favorite Band

I've already posted a lot of Jars of Clay songs, so here's a song from another favorite band, Nickle Creek:

Youtube won't let me embed it...grrr..so here's the link

Reasons Why Video

Day 12: A Song By a Band You Hate

Anything-ANYTHING by Nickel Back.

30 Day Song Challenge Catch Up-days 8, 9, 10

2010-08-08T21:27:00.000-05:00

ah! I am way behind. This is waht happens when you go out of town! I will do 11 and 12 Tomorrow.

Song challenge With

Song 8: A Song to Which You Know All the Words

This is a little embarrassing. I know all the words to A LOT of songs...but the first song that came to mind was "Gangsta's Paradise" by Coolio...

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

I take a look at my life
And realize there's nothing left.
'Cause I've been blasting and laughing so long
That even my momma thinks that my mind has gone.
But I ain't never crossed a man that didn't deserve it.
Me be treated like a punk, you know that's unheard of.
You betta watch how ya talking
And where ya walking
Or you and your homies might be lined in chalk.
I really hate to trip but I gotta lob,
As they croak, I see myself in the pistol smoke.
Fool, I'm the kinda g that little homie's wanna be like,
On my knees in the night
Saying prayers in the street light.

[Chorus]

We've been spending most our lives
Living in a gangsta's paradise
We've been spending most our lives
Living in a gangsta's paradise.
We keep spending most our lives
Living in a gangsta's paradise.
We keep spending most our lives
Living in a gangsta's paradise.

Look at the situation, they got me facing,
I can't live a normal life, I was raised by the street,
So I gotta be down with the 'hood team,
Too much television watching, got me chasing dreams.
I'm an educated fool with money on my mind
Got my ten in my hand and a gleam in my eye.
I'm a locked out gangsta, set tripping banger
And my homies are down so don't arouse my anger.
Fool, death ain't nothing but a heart beat away,
I'm living life do or die, what can I say?
I'm twenty-three now, will I ever live to see twenty-four,
The way things is going I don't know.

Tell me why are we
So blind to see.
That the ones we hurt
Are you and me?

Power in the money, money in the power,
Minute after minute, hour after hour,
Everybody's running, but half of them ain't looking
It's going on in the kitchen
But I don't know what's cooking.
They say I gotta learn
But nobody's here to teach me.
If they can't understand it, how can they reach me?
I guess they can't,
I guess they won't,
I guess they front,
That's why I know my life is out of luck, fool!

9: A Song to Which You Can Dance:
You can dance to any song! But, I will go with the illustrious...

Cupid Shuffle!!

10: A Song That Make You Fall Asleep

Anything Instrumental

Repetitive Forgiveness

2010-08-04T21:23:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I wrote about forgiveness and said I would share a personal example of struggling to forgive. I studied yesterday's verse in my time with the Lord yesterday and once again, issues with my grandfather were brought up.

I will not go into detail, but my grandpa hurt my family very deeply. He is dead now, but the affects linger like a nasty garbage smell. Though I was not a victim of the worse of his sins, I've dealt with a lot of anger toward him, seeing the ones I love suffer from his actions.

For many months I would not forgive him. I wanted to rip up every picture and memory of him that I had-not many of them were good anyway. Yes, I felt slightly guilty about this, but I also knew I rested safely in God's hands. Therefore, he slowly changed my heart.

I do forgive him because I know God would and still does IF my grandfather really was a believer (though I have my doubts).

Despite forgiving him, I still feel anger at times-sometimes more intensely than other moments. I have to choose to forgive him over and over. It's really hard and it hurts.

I guess it is a small glimpse of how God feels when dealing with me-forgiving me over and over when I hurt Him. Except I am actually doing the sin-whereas, I am only angry about the memory of what my grandpa did. And God chooses to forget our sins because He can. So, it's a little different, but I imagine the emotion is similar.

God is so good. His love is bigger than I can ever imagine!

Forgiveness and Jesus' Hard Words

2010-08-03T17:52:00.001-05:00

"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

Matthew 6:14-15

When I read this verse as a child, I freaked out. To me, it was just one more hoop to jump through to get to God. I didn't understand the Gospel of salvation by grace through faith in Christ.

After I came to understand that I can do absolutely nothing to earn salvation, this verse baffled me. It seemed to contradict the Gospel that "by grace you have been saved..not by works" (Eph 2:8-9). Since we must interpret scripture according to other scripture, it makes logic sense that the meaning cannot contradict the Gospel of grace. Therefore, the only option we have left is that this verse means that if we refuse to forgive, there will be relational barriers between us and God, but positionally, we are justified by Christ's blood.

Of course, we must examine our hearts if we are refusing to forgive. It could be a sign that we are indeed not even true believers, for 1 John 3:10 tells us that if you don't love your brother, then you do not belong to God.

Matthew 6:14-15 makes it evident that there is a connection between God forgiving us and we forgiving others. Because God has forgiven us so much, we should therefore be willing to forgive others when they hurt us. It doesn't matter what they've done-we've done far worse to God.

What, then, if you are struggling to forgive someone? Keep your heart open to God changing it. The difference between a true believer and an unbeliever is that an unbeliever is unwilling to forgive while a believer just needs time. It is God who changed our hearts and rest assured, if you belong to Him, He is sanctifying you and working in your heart to help you forgive.

Tomorrow I will share a personal example.

Striving to Live a Life of Forgiveness,

Song Challenge Day 7-A Song That Reminds You of an Event

2010-08-03T14:40:00.000-05:00

Gosh, this one is hard...I could take the easy way out and go with a song that was in my wedding...but that was 71/2 months ago and therefore, doesn't need much reminding!

OK, I am going to go with "Calling Baton Rouge" by Garth Brooks, which remind me of a summer project with Campus Crusade for Christ that I took part in in Branson, MO in college. We always danced to this song while singing it really loudly.

Song Challenge With

Common Grace

2010-08-02T14:25:00.000-05:00

"For He makes the sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust."

Matthew 5:45

He is so good to all!

Song Challenge: day 6

2010-08-02T14:21:00.000-05:00

SONG CHALLENGE WITH

Day 6: A Song That Reminds You of Someplace

The first thing to come to my mind was "Take on Me" by Aha. It reminds me of the UK, where I lived as a child from 5-9 years old. This song reminds me of England because it was HUGE at the time I moved there and I remember watching the video on MTV Euro with my mom.

30 Day Song Challenge-Days 3,4,5

2010-07-31T21:38:00.000-05:00

I am doing three days today so I can catch up!!

Day 3: A Song That Makes Me Happy

"All My Tears" by Jars of Clay

When I go, don't cry for me

In my Father's arms I'll be

The wounds this world left on my soul

Will all be healed and I'll be whole.

Sun and moon will be replaced

With the light of Jesus' face

And I will not be ashamed

For my Savior knows my name.

It don't matter where you bury me,

I'll be home and I'll be free.

It don't matter where I lay,

All my tears be washed away.

Gold and silver blind the eye

Temporary riches lie

Come and eat from heaven's store,

Come and drink, and thirst no more

It don't matter where you bury me

I'll be home and I'll be free

It don't matter where I lay

All my tears be washed away

So, weep not for me my friends,

When my time below does end

For my life belongs to Him

Who will raise the dead again.

It don't matter where you bury me,

I'll be home and I'll be free.

It don't matter where I lay,

All my tears be washed away

Day 4: A Song That Makes Me Sad

"Enough" By Sandra McCracken

Glory may have left you as you jumped from a ledge to the depths of your fears
Glory may have found you in a pool of your blood, your mess, and your tears

And it's too hard and too late to ask if you would have taken my love
And I cannot believe you felt that it would have been enough

So we all kept our distance, wounded intentions that covered our heads
And we turned to convenience with our hands on our hips and the lust in our beds

And it's too hard and too late to ask if you would have taken my love
And I cannot believe you felt that it would have been enough

I wish I could tell you that the battle is over and hope is not gone
To show you a difference from the things as they are and the things you have done

But it's too hard and too late to ask if you would have taken my love
And I cannot believe you felt that it would have been enough

Day 5: A Song That reminds You of Someone

"You've Got a Friend" by James Taylor-my mom used to sing it to me when I was little. :-)

JUDGED...and JUDGE

2010-07-31T21:21:00.000-05:00

I am really sick of Christians judging each other and non-believers. But, I also know I am sometimes guilty of it too. It all makes me sick and angry. We have serious sin problems because it makes us feel good to view another in a poor light. I am not going to pretend that I am not part of the problem!

I hate that I am part of the problem because I hate this sin more than any other-yes, I really do. I hate it more than immorality. I hate it more than immodesty. I hate it more than murder.Why? Because I believe pride is the precursor to almost any other sin. And pride is at the root of every sin. That thought is for another blogpost-I don't have the energy to expound on it right now. But, I do recall a great C.S. Lewis explanation for this that I will talk about later.

I hate it. I want to be sanctified completely from it. It is tempting for me to think, "Well, at least I am not as judgemental as so-and-so." Hypocrisy. Lord Jesus, please return soon and make Your Church RIGHT and free from this hideous behaviour.

Song Challenge Day 2

2010-07-29T20:01:00.000-05:00

Song Challenge with

Least Favorite Song:

Pretty much anything by Fergie or The Black-Eyed Peas. Their songs REALLY annoy me. But, I guess if I'd have to pick one, it would be "Fergilicious" because

It's incredibly annoying
It's incredibly cocky
They spell "Tasty" wrong!!! (The lyrics say T to the A to the S-T-E-Y)

Way to butcher the English language, BEP!

30 Day Song Challenge With Quirky Pickings

2010-07-29T00:49:00.000-05:00

For Fun and because I love music I am going to be doing the 30 Day Song Challenge with

I will be posting other reflections too, but if you love music, be sure to check for my answers!

Today's Song: My Favorite Song

Oooh this is a hard one because I love SO MANY songs, so I am going to go with two-one fun favorite song and one deep and meaningful favorite song.

Deep and Meaningful Favorite Song: Lesson 1 (Boys) by Jars of Clay

I already posted about this song in detail in a previous blog post. I love this song because it is so representative of the Gospel. Though the guys wrote this song for their sons, the lyrics sound as if it is God speaking to His children. I think they did this on purpose. When I feel down or need to know God really loves me, this song always works to remind me for some reason. Love it!

Lesson 1, Do not hide.

Lesson 2, There are right ways to fight,

and when you have questions, we can talk through the night

So you know who you are,

and know what you want.

I know where you're going and it's not that far.

It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run.

You'll get there in time.

Lesson 3, You're not alone,

Not since I saw you start breathing on your own.

You can leave you can run, this will still be your home.

So you know who you are,

and know what you want.

I've been where you're going and it's not that far.

It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run.

You'll get there in time.

In time, to wonder where the days have gone,

In time, to be old enough to wish that you were young,

When good things are unraveling, bad things come undone,

You weather love and lose your innocence.

And there will be liars and thieves who take from you.

Not to undermine the consequence, but you are not what you do.

And when you need it most, I have 100 reasons why I love you.

So you know who you are and know what you want,

I've been where you're going and it's not that far.

It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run.

You'll get there in time.

If you weather love and lose your innocence,

Just remember-Lesson 1.

LOVE LOVE LOVE this song! And the music is hauntingly beautiful.

Fun Favorite Song: This song is so fun, always cheers me up when I am down, and always gives me energy to do stuff I don't want to do, like clean or exercise. I think a video is appropriate for this one.

Not Stopping the Beat,

Some Random, Not Very Spiritual Thoughts

2010-07-26T22:35:00.001-05:00

1) Have you noticed how our country's cheese is wrapped in individual packages...kind of representative of our culture!

2) Have you see the new Quiznos commercial with the cat (seemingly dressed like Santa) sort of sing-talking? Does anyone else think it is incredibly creepy?? and not funny or cute??

And definitely not amusing like their other tripped out ad that came out a few years ago:

3) They now have a show on Animal Planet about three little people who run a dog rescue mission-and pay for it by acting...really? really?

4) Did you known the Comanche warrior is deadlier then a Mongolian warrior?

This is what happens to me when the TV is constantly on in the background.

Love Your Enemies

2010-07-21T13:20:00.000-05:00

Jesus is the ultimate example of loving His enemies. "God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8). He enables us to love our enemies. Stephen is an excellent example of this.

"And as they were stoning Stephen, he called out, 'Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.' And falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, 'Lord do not hold this sin against them.' And when he had said this, he fell asleep."

Acts 7:59-60

I am deeply convicted by Stephen's example. How many of us would pray for the salvation of our murderers as they were murdering us by torture?! How many of us pray for those who merely offend us and hurt our feelings?

The even cooler part of this story is that God answers Stephen's prayer. A few verses before the quoted verse, we see that Saul was watching the whole scene. The witnesses of this bloody murder even laid their garments at his feet, showing that perhaps Saul was even overseeing this act of murder. A few chapters later in Acts, we see Christ move Saul's heart and he gives his life over to the Saviour.

I pray the Lord will help me have this kind of love for those who hurt me.

Praying for love,

Poor In Spirit

2010-07-03T08:52:00.001-05:00

Today I read the beatitudes found in Matthew 5:1-12. This passage is familiar to me and probably to most Christians. When I was a little girl, I memorized the beatitudes to win a sticker, which led to a prize. I had no idea what they meant and I thought being "poor in spirit" meant you were financially poor and that to "inherit the kingdom of God" meant that when you got to heaven, if you were poor on earth then you would be wealthy.

Turns out, that is not just the misunderstanding of a child. When I googled images for "poor in spirit," many sites popped out citing this verse-along with a picture of starving kids in Africa.

When we read this verse, we cannot leave out the fact that it says "in spirit" and not merely "poor." That changes the whole meaning. To be poor in spirit does not mean to be depressed or a Debbie-downer, as often this verse is also misunderstood. To be poor in spirit means to realize you are spiritually bankrupt. It means you realize that in yourself, you are hopeless and you desperately need God to step in and help. Then, you will inherit the Kingdom of God.

How do we know this interpretation is correct? We must interpret scripture by comparing it to other scripture. This interpretation is the only one that makes sense alongside the Gospel. We inherit the Kingdom of God when we realize we are depraved and can do nothing to please God and surrender trust to Christ and His atoning death on the cross for our salvation.

Jesus purposefully stated this truth before getting into the other beatitudes. I truly believe that He did this because He wanted to communicate that we could not, in ourselves, mourn properly over sin, be meek, merciful, hunger and thirst for righteousness, etc.

It would be easy for us humans, as go-getters and self-trusters, to look at the beatitudes as a list of "To Dos," which many people do and many teach others to do when citing this passage. But, it's not meant for that. Jesus made this clear when He said, "Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." we cannot create the beatitudes in ourselves. We cannot check them off. Our hearts are bankrupt in ourselves and totally incapable of creating righteousness. That's why Jesus began with the promise that if we admit our inability to check off this list, then He will not only make it possible for us, but He will give us the whole Kingdom!

Poor in Spirit this Morning,

P.S. (A Suggestion) : In light of this truth, when I read this passage this morning, the Lord led me to examine each verse and pray through them using the A.C.T.S model (Adoration-Confession-Thanksgiving-Supplication) . Maybe this would be spiritually beneficial to you too! I prayed through each verse, acknowledging God's perfection, confessing my shortcoming in that area, thanking Him for His mercy that covers my shortcomings, and asking Him to help me repent in the area by enabling me.

Provision

2010-07-01T14:55:00.000-05:00

Jeff and I bowed our heads in prayer. It was a cry to God for provision. And I did cry. I cried because I didn't know how the Lord was going to provide. I cried because I wasn't sure if the Lord WOULD provide-at least not in the way I wanted Him to. "Lord, You are God and You do not have to prove Yourself to me," I whispered. "But it would be really nice if you graciously showed me You care about my stress."

Thirty minutes later I received an email. My church from back home in VA had unanimously voted the night before to give a special gift to our ministry. It was exactly what we needed. Not a penny more, not a penny less. And just in time.

"In Your goodness, Oh God, You provided..."

Psalm 68:10

My Lord is abundantly gracious and good. Why is that so easy for me to forget?

Abundantly Loved,

Do You Have It All Under Control? Part 3 of 3

2010-06-21T17:13:00.002-05:00

"Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. And he said to him, 'All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.

'Then Jesus said to him, “Be gone, Satan! For it is written, 'You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve.’

Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and were ministering to him."

Matthew 4:8-11

Here, we see Jesus facing His third temptation-to prove His worth by being in control. The Father already had a plan to save humanity and glorify His Son. He already had a plan to give Jesus authority over His children and rule over the Kingdom of Heaven. But, it would take indescribably and immense sacrifice and pain by Jesus, the Son. Jesus would have to trust the Father.

Enter Satan. "Let's take a shortcut," he tempts Jesus. "Worship me and I will give you all the kingdoms of the world and the glory! You won't have to endure pain. You won't have to die. You will be in complete control. Then You will prove Your worth to me."

I am both amused and disgusted by Satan's audacity here. He tries to trick the God of the universe to worship him, as if He'd fall for it. He will try anything, won't he? He also promises Jesus something that is not his to give. He doesn't control the kingdoms of the world and their glory-God does! (Romans 13:1). Satan makes false promises-ones he cannot and does not intend to keep.

He does the same with us ALL THE TIME. How many times have we thought, "If I just have control over this and if it's going well under my control, then I am worthy." We believe Satan's lies that we have control and we begin to slowly build our own kingdoms, instead of building God's. We build our own little kingdoms and attempt to control them to make ourselves feel valuable. This can play out in ministry (I need to make this ministry successful so I look good!) and in life in general (I need to have everything in line-material wealth, health, relationships etc so I look good!).

For me personally, this still applies to my idol of seeking others' approval. I build a kingdom on the foundation of being loved and accepted by others and I attempt to control it by doing-serving, entertaining, bending over backwards, letting people suck the life out of me. And when I can't win someone over or someone gets upset, my kingdom comes crashing down and I am despaired. I feel worthless.

Let's look at Jesus answer: "You shall worship the Lord your God and Him only shall you serve."

When we build our own kingdoms, we are practicing self-worship. We are not worshiping God. The reason we feel worthless when our kingdoms crash down is because we were seeking our own glorification. We are despaired because we realize we are not glorious. But the GOOD news is that God is glorious and He wants us to experience His glory, which WILL bring us ultimate joy, hope and worthiness.

We get angry when our kingdoms come crashing down because we believed a lie. The enemy promised us that if we worked hard, we would see results, but the results were not his to give.

Why would we want to be in control anyway? As flawed humans, we can destroy ourselves in a second. The God who is perfect and good is completely in control. We build our own kingdoms because we don't trust God is good and perfect. When we build our own kingdoms, we're saying to God, "I can do this better than you can." How arrogant! The only reason we can even maintain our ridiculous kingdoms for a little while is because God is gracious and tears them down slowly. Peace comes when we realize we are not in control and we leave the results to the One Who Is.

Will you relinquish your illusion of control today and trust in the One who is good, perfect, and sovereign?

Battling the Lies With You,

Pleasing Men Does Not Make You Worthy: Part 2 of 3

2010-06-13T21:00:00.000-05:00

Matthew 4:5-7

Then the devil took him to the holy city and set him on the pinnacle of the temple and said to him, "If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written, "'He will command his angels concerning you,' and "'On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.'" Jesus said to him, "Again it is written, 'You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.'"

In these verses, we see Jesus face His second temptation- to prove worth by being popular and spectacular. "Show me how much the angels love You," tempts Satan. "Show me You are spectacular and that You really are God by surviving this fall! We face the same temptation, but tweaked to our imperfect, fallen minds. The enemy whispers to us, "Show me you are worthy by how many people love you and think you are talented, apt and even spectacular!" And when we believe him, we begin living for the praises of men.

How does Jesus answer Satan? "You shall not put the Lord your God to the test." Jesus isn't simply saying, "I can't jump from this building because I am not supposed to test the Lord's power and promises," as we often understand this verse. Jesus is quoting Deuteronomy 6:16. Go back and read this verse in context. Before this verse, Moses talks about loving God above all and not worshipping idols. Right after the verse, he continues to admonish the Israelites to obey the Lord's commandments. So, what Jesus is telling Satan, by quoting this verse, is that He refuses to steal away the glory of redemption at the cross by making Himself look spectacular according to the world's standards. He refuses to test God's plans for salvation by making Himself popular.

If we live our lives to please men, we are in for a life of disappointment! Man's opinion is fleeting, changing and uncontrollable. For most believers, I think it is easier for us to accept that we won't be popular with the world (unless your in high school), but it is more difficult to not live to impress our fellow believers. We long for love and acceptance among our fellow believers, which is a good thing, but we make it ultimate and then it becomes idolatry. If another believer judges us, we're destroyed. I struggle with this daily. I easily forget that my fellow believers are also imperfect and their opinion really doesn't matter. They are sinful and susceptible to looking at me through the world's lens instead of Christ's. I do it to others myself! Therefore, I am in no place to resent them for that either.

God loves you, accepts you, and values you. That is all that matters. And His opinion is unchanging because it's sealed by Christ's work on the cross. His approval matters. Living for the approval of others is idolatry.

Worthy Alone In Christ,

Prove Your Worth By Doing Something-Part 1 of 3

2010-06-08T22:59:00.001-05:00

* I would like to thank Mark Valentine, who would like to thank Henri Nouwen, for the meat of these next three entries-all the contemplations, doubts, questions are mine :-)

If you're follower of Christ, you've probably read the verse. You probably took great comfort in it. You've probably also asked, "What does this mean in it's vagueness?" You've probably doubted that it is possible in its entirety.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin."

Hebrews 4:15

There is so much to say about this verse, but I am actually writing about another passage-one where we see the above principle being played out in real life. It comes from Matthew 4:1-11 where we see Jesus being tempted by Satan. No other passage I've read in the Bible has made me see the Truth of Hebrews 4 more than this verse.

Lately, I've been struggling with performance in ministry. It's been hard for me to cling to the truth of the Gospel that I am loved, accepted, and valuable because Jesus made me so on the cross. I've been struggling to find my value in others' acceptance of me, which we all know is futile. But, it's all centered around ministry, not the world, and comes in the form of despair in feeling like I've failed. It's easier for me to read, "I have overcome the world," and not care what they think of me-it's another thing all together to not seek the approval of my brothers and sisters in Christ.

In Matthew 4, we see Jesus being tempted-and it all has to do with performance in ministry! Many scholars believe this was Jesus' hardest moment, after the Cross and the night in Gethsemane. I will examine all three int he next few days, but now I am looking at the first temptation.

Satan's Tempting: "If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread."

In other words, "Prove your worth by DOING something."

I definitely believe the lie that I need to prove my worth in ministry by doing something. That's why I want my girls to feel like I help them. That's why I feel like a crappy missionary-because I haven't seen anyone come to Christ through my presentation of the Gospel in years.

Jesus' answer: "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God."

OK, so what does that mean? It makes sense to Jesus' situation because He was fasting and hungry. I used to read this verse and think Satan was merely tempting Jesus to satisfy His hunger when he was supposed to be fasting. But, there's more to it. Satan is not just saying, "satisfy yourself." He's saying, "Prove to me you are the Son of God by doing this miracle." He's saying to me "Prove to me you are a worthy Christian by doing wonderful things in ministry."

Bread symbolizes what we hunger after. I hunger after others' approval. What Jesus is telling me is that I cannot live on other's approval of my ministry, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God, which tell me I am worthy because He made me so through Jesus Christ.

I do not think it is a coincidence that in Deuteronomy 9, which comes after the verse Jesus is quoting, is all about God telling the Israelites that He did not bring them into the land because of their righteousness.

Living to prove my worth in ministry is futile because I cannot! I am not worthy in myself and neither is anyone else. I am only worthy and usable because God makes me so. If only I could always grasp this truth! Lord, help me!

It Can Never Be Filled...

2010-06-02T23:05:00.000-05:00

"There's a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every person and it can never be filled by any created thing. I can only be filled by God, made known through Jesus Christ."

Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)

Unreached People

2010-06-01T11:37:00.000-05:00

I apologize for not writing in a while. I am busy on a missions summer project, but I will try to write as often as I can. This blog takes more time than my hobby blog because I have to think and contemplate to write it! If you would like to see what I am up to in Clearwater, FL (doing missions), you can check out my husband's and my ministry blog http://www.theknapptimes.blogspot.com/.

I have been convicted lately about praying more for the world and the unreached peoples of the world. The Lord gave me a great idea-a simple solution! Those don't come often! I am on the internet every day, so I decided to make http://www.joshuaproject.net/ my home page. every day, they feature an "Unreached People of the Day" so I can stop and take time to pray for them before I browse the internet. You may have noticed, I also added it to my blog!

The Joshua Project is a research inititative that collects data and information about the unreached peoples all over the world. They work with many different evangelical organizations and denominations to help them bring the Gospel to the unreached.

What is an unreached people group? Basically, it is a people group where there is no or very little believers-so sparse that they cannot possibly reach their own people group with the Gospel by themselves. They need out help! They need out prayers, financial gifts and our lives to go tell them about life in Jesus Christ.

Will you pray with me?

Loving the World Because Christ loves Me,

When You Should TALK instead of LISTEN

2010-05-22T17:27:00.002-05:00

I recently began reading Living the Cross-Centered Life, by C.J. Mahaney with my Clearwater Summer Project staff team. Here's a quote I read recently from the book that really challenged me:

"On a daily basis we're faced with two simple choices. We can either LISTEN to ourselves and our constantly changing feelings about our circumstances, or we can TALK to ourselves about the unchanging truth of who God is and what He's accomplished for us at the cross through His Son Jesus."

Mahaney goes on to give example from his own life on how he listened to his emotions. It hit home for me! He was writing a sermon for the next day when he spilled a drink on his laptop and killed it, after having worked on the sermon for hours. He immediately became angry and slammed down his chair and began thinking thoughts like, why would God allow this? and then Oh great, now you're sinning and you call yourself a pastor!

I do this all the time! I remember one time, when I was a missionary in East Asia, I became really angry at a cab driver for cheating me out of more money. I cussed him out (in English because he couldn't understand me-I am a wimp too!) because I was listening to my emotions rather than the Gospel, which tells me to forgive as I've been forgiven. The next day, a visitor brought me letters and cards from my home church. I read note after note of people telling me how they were "so proud of me" and that I was "so obedient and honoring to the Lord." I cried and said to myself, This isn't true! You cussed out that taxi driver and you're supposed to be a missionary!" I think I may have also cussed out my computer that week too. I was not listening to the truth that I am forgiven and accepted because of Christ, no matter what I do.

I cannot even begin to count how many times a day I listen to my emotions rather than speaking the Gospel to myself. I've never even really thought about it until I read this chapter. A typical day for me looks like this:

Ugh, the alarm is going off. I am so tired. I will sleep another hour...
Crap! Now, I am up late and have to rush to my first appointment. This day is going to be awful and now I am flustered and frustrated!
That appointment was great! She really was challenged by the Word. Today is such a great day!
Oh no, we lost another supporter. God, why are you making being in ministry so hard when you called me to it? This is not a good day.
Yea! I found some awesome stuff on sale at Hobby Lobby! Today is turning fabulous!
Ugh, dinner didn't turn out quite the way I wanted to. I am a disappointment as a wife. I just want to go to bed and start over again tomorrow. (This is usually about the time when Jeff gets annoyed but still speaks the Gospel to me)
My husband is so sweet when he wraps me in his arms. I have a good life.

Does that emotional roller coaster stress you out? It should-but yet, I am so used to it. I have always known that I am an emotional person and that my emotions affect me all the time. I have known that I need to cling to the Gospel, but I was never really sure how to cling to the Gospel minute by minute.

Oh, there have been times when the Holy Spirit has helped me fight with the truth of the Gospel, but I am thankful to now be conscious of it and am praying that the Lord will help me to minute by minute, speak the Gospel to myself. He made me aware. I know this is not something that will improve immediately, but as the Lord is sanctifying me, He will make clinging to the Gospel more of a habit.

Will you stand with me? Will you speak the Gospel to yourself too-daily, minute by minute? Will you stop listening to your emotions? In ourselves, we will fail, but God can do whatever He pleases. And it pleases Him when we cling to His Gospel!

Listening to the Gospel,

Power

2010-05-19T12:56:00.001-05:00

" God raised Him (Jesus Christ) up, loosing the pangs of death, because IT WAS NOT POSSIBLE FOR HIM TO BE HELD BY IT."

Acts 2:24 (Emphasis mine)

My God is all-powerful! He is more powerful than death, the great dark horse. He is far more powerful than any human attempts or folly. He is more powerful than the enemy who brought death to this world through tempting Adam and Eve. He is amazing!

Resting in His Power,

Fear of Man and Lack of Faith

2010-05-18T18:53:00.002-05:00

Sorry it's been so long! I have been busy with summer project preparations. I am writing from Clearwater Beach, Florida-home of the Scientologists! The students arrive on Friday and I am looking forward to seeing what God is going to do this summer.

Now onto the reason I am writing this post:

But You, O Lord, are a Shield about me,

My Glory, and the Lifter of my head.

I cried aloud to the Lord,

and He answered me from His holy hill."

Psalm 3:3-4

When I read this, I grieved over my sin and asked God why does He put up with me?!

I fear man over Him and I lack faith. Both are an affront to Him, my God and Salvation. I am ungrateful.

I care more about man's approval than God's. It's an idol that God has been graciously tearing down in my life for years. But, it's deeply rooted. I often believe half truths, which are more cunning than full-out lies. I am secure in God's love for me, but not in man's, which is a reason I more often strive for man's approval. HOWEVER, I have things twisted because I believe man's approval is ultimate, when really, Christ is ultimate. I believe the lie that I need man's approval to be happy and worthy.

But, Psalm 3 says God is my Sustainer. I only need Him to have true and lasting joy. I do not need others' approval. Their approval may validate me in the world (but the world is fickle, so it can't even validate me there!), but does not validate me in Heaven, which is the validation that matters-God's validation. Only Jesus Christ validates me to what matters-His blood and sacrifice validate me.

So, I am praying that God will continue to tear up these lies from their roots in my heart and replace them with seeds of the Gospel that will flourish and take over. I trust He is already doing this, which is why He convicted me of this int he first place. Fatherly discipline is good.

I mentioned that I also lack faith. I read verses 3-4 and this horrible feeling of doubt swept over me: doubt that God listens to me, doubt that He will answer, and doubt that He will bring me sustaining joy. Let's be honest-that's an utterly ridiculous doubt for me to have, considering how blessed I am and how faithful God has been to unfaithful me.

God is gracious and I know He is working on me!

A Work in Progress,

Patience Is Hard in the Darkness

2010-04-22T14:01:00.002-05:00

I am currently NOT in the darkness right now (thankfully) but I read this today and it made me ponder how I DO handle the darkness.

Saints who cry to the Lord for deliverance from the pits of darkness must learn to wait patiently for the Lord...we can draw no deadlines for God. He hastens or He delays as He sees fit. And His timing is all-loving toward His children. - John Piper

That is SO HARD!! I am so impatient! Though I am not in a dark place right now, I KNOW I would question God's love for me and ask "How can this be love? It feel like torture!"

But, I guess that is part of the "learning to be patient" process. Hind sight is always 20/20 and we usually see clearly on the other end of the tunnel, when we reach the light.

A couple came to my mind-a couple whom I met a while back and of whom I had the privilege of writing a story when I interned at Worldwide Challenge Magazine. Allan and Tricia Beeber raised a son, Daniel, who was severely autistic. You can read the article HERE. I highly recommend it. Not because I wrote it, but because their example of faith is incredibly encouraging and it is incredible to see how God worked in Daniel's life.

I remember Tricia saying sometimes she felt abused by God. But, the process He brought her through created a tremendous faith in her in His goodness. Now, she can look back and see that God, in His love, was turning her into a strong woman of incredible perseverance and character.

I ran into Allan at a conference last summer. He told me Daniel (now 19 years old) is living in a community with other adults with autism and LOVES it. God provided a Daniel a place where he can somewhat function as an independent adult and finally provided Allan and Tricia a time of peace and rest. He is good! But the many years of hardship He brought them through was good do-not only for their character, but for Daniel's development and His glory.

Hindsight is 20/20, so Lord, help us to cling to Your goodness when it is dark and hard to see!

Enjoying the Light for a Moment,

Conviction to Joy

2010-04-19T16:19:00.001-05:00

It's been a while. My husband and I have been traveling a lot, so there's been little time for reflective blogging.

Today I had much-needed day with the Lord, a blessing I get to schedule into my work schedule since I am in full-time ministry. I am almost finished reading "When I Don't Desire God," bu John Piper. It is an excellent book and I highly reccomend it. Today I was reading something a teacher of Piper's said he determined to do in his life: to not fall into the lie that this day, or any day, is an ambiguous 24 hours, but a unique event, filled with worthy possibilities.

This statement really stood out to me and convicted me. I often fall into a mundane routine and think of the day as another 24 hours of simply checking things off my to do list. I long to make the most of each day-I pray for it daily, but then I often turn around and forget the possibilities.

So, I am going to continue to pray for this specifically and contmeplate it. Perhaps I will begin to see Christ in the mundane. To help encourage this, I am hoping (and plan) to update this blog much more often!

Joyfully His,

Numbness

2010-03-23T15:46:00.003-05:00

Thank God it is Spring!!! The sun is shining more days than not-I love it! I tend to struggle in the Winter with melancholy and lethargy.

I've felt very lethargic lately (well, honestly, until the sun started shining!). I hate feeling this way-I don't desire anything and things that used to excite me or bring me joy become neccesities or comforts. I felt numb. Part of that is biological, but really part of it is my fault.

I've struggled my whole life with feelings. It's really hard for me to not give into them and really hard for me to remember that they are not always reality. It's my thorn in my side and I've neglected to fight it for the past few weeks.

I have not been depending on Christ. Instead, I purposely numb myself from the harsh realties of life by stupid means-TV, internet, day-dreaming, shopping. I've been really convicted about this as I see my compassion for others waning and my desire to really live life with people (other than my husband) fading.

It's comforting to know I am not alone. Even Martin Luther, respected church father, struggled with this. Here is an excerpt from his writings, recorded in a letter when he was supposed to be translating the New Testament:

"I sit here at ease. hardened and unfeeling--alas! Praying little, gieving little for the Church of God, burning rather in the fierce fires of my untamed flesh. It comes to this: I should be afire in the Spirit; in reality I am afire in the flesh, with lust, laziness, idleness, sleepiness. It is perhaps because you have all ceased praying for me that God has turned away from me....For the last eight days, I have written nothing, nor prayed nor studied, partly from self-indulgence and partly from another vexatious handicap...I really cannot stand it any longer; ....Pray for me, I beg you, for in my seclusion here I am submerged in sins."

It's comforting to look at the saints of old and see they struggled with the same things and yet God still graciously used them to change the world! Like Luther, I really cannot stand it any longer. I feel (thankfully!) my desperate need for Christ and for time with Him. Please pray for and with me!

The Gospel is Not Just for Others

2010-02-09T10:00:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I reflected on preaching the Gospel to others. Today I am reflecting on preaching the Gospel to Ourselves and to the Enemy. Both are a reflection on Micah 7:8-9:

"Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the LORD because I have sinned against Him, until He pleads my cause and executes judgement for me. He will bring me out to the light; I shall look upon His vindication."

Preaching the Gospel to Ourselves

This passage in Micah is a wonderful example of speaking truth to oneself in the darkness of guilt. This is what Piper calls, "gutsy guilt:" Taking sin seriously, knowing we are guilty before the Lord but knowing He will redeem us. We can all relate to Micah's description of bearing the indignation of the Lord- bearing through the darkness of knowing we disappointed God...again.

But, the good news is He already has redeemed us in Christ! Micah looked forward to the Messiah-to the day when God would plead his cause. But, we already have Him! The cross is our vindication-Jesus already plead and is pleading on our behalf if we believe in Him. He's already shed His blood; He already took our judgement on Himself at a costly price.

The truth that we are redeemed by Christ's blood, if we trust Him, gives us joy in darkness. we must take sin seriously, as Micah does, and realize it angers the Lord, but we need not dwell in guilt. God doesn't want that because dwelling in guilt is NOT the Gospel of redemption. We need to learn to preach the light of the Gospel to ourselves in the darkness of sin. We need to dwell on the Gospel. When we dwell in guilt, we're saying that Christ's death wasn't enough to save us from our sins.

Whether we've been walking with the Lord for one day or one decade, we need to preach the Gospel to ourselves to preserve our joy in Christ. As Piper says, "We never outgrow the Gospel."

Preaching the Gospel to the Enemy

This may seem like a weird concept, but that is exactly what Micah is doing in this passage. Micah shows us how to preach the Gospel to to our Accuser, Satan.

Satan cannot take away our salvation, so he will do all he can to try to steal away our joy in Christ and therefore, render us ineffective and make us miserable. His oldest trick is to come alongside our guilt and tell us we're hopeless, to mock our fallen state and tell us we're worthless. He is a liar.

Therefore, it is necessary for us to preach the Gospel to Satan. This is what Micah is doing: "Rejoice not over me, Satan. When I fall, Jesus lifts me up. He is my righteousness and light and though I must shortly bear the darkness of knowing I disappointed the Lord, Jesus is pleading my cause and has taken the judgement against me. He is my righteousness and redemption, therefore NOTHING I do will make God love me any more or any less. You cannot rejoice, Satan; You are defeated and have no power over my joy in Christ."

Take that, Satan! The power of the Gospel!

"Because Christ is our righteousness, He is our grounds for unshakable joy."
-John Piper

A Humble Example of Evangelism

2010-02-08T15:56:00.004-06:00

My Bible study has been themed this past week-I love it when that happens! It means God is trying to tell me something! I've been studying different books-one with one of my disciples about evangelism and, of course, When I Don't Desire God by John Piper. Last week, all my reading was about sharing the Gospel-and not just to others, but to myself and the Enemy too.

Here are my reflections:

Sharing the Gospel With Others

I know I'm supposed to do it, as a follower of Christ. Even more, it's part of my ministry! But, even so, I lose the passion to do it. That's why it's been a great refresher to study about the heart of evangelism with my girls.

I love the passage in John 1:35-51, which describes how some of Jesus' first followers shared their faith. They were young-brand new followers. They knew very little and yet they ran to tell those they loved about Christ.

I am going to focus on Philip and Nathanael because that is my favorite part of this passage. Philip, with very little knowledge, ran to find and tell Nathanael about Jesus. Notice that Philip did it urgently and intentionally. He didn't just share with whoever was most convenient or yell out on the streets. He rant to find Nathanael and tell him.

Nathanael scoffed at him, "Nazareth! Can anything good come from there" This didn't stop Philip. "Come and see for yourself," he simply responded and then brought Nathanael to Jesus.

I love this part of the passage because it addresses two of my greatest fears in evangelism and that of my students: lack of knowledge and rejection.

Philip just met Jesus. All he knew was that Jesus was the Messiah whom was prophesied about in the Law and Prophets. His lack of knowledge didn't stop him from telling others about Jesus. His faith and joy in Christ surpassed his lack of knowledge.

Nathanael scoffs at Philip and yet that doesn't stop Philip either. He doesn't become offended or angrily try to debate Nathanael. He simply takes Nathanael to Jesus and lets Him prove Himself to Nathanael. And guess what? Nathanael surrenders his life to Christ!

Philip is a great example of how we should approach evangelism: with humble boldness and faith. So what if we don't have all the answers? God is bigger than all of our question marks. So what if someone laughs in our face? Their need to hear the Gospel is greater than our need for man's acceptance!

Lord, help me be like Philip and share the Gospel with humble boldness. Let my faith faith take over my fears of rejection.

Tomorrow, I will write about the other two topics: preaching the Gospel to Myself and to the Enemy.

SOMEONE has the Case of the Mondays!

2010-02-01T21:34:00.003-06:00

And that would be me.

Seriously, I am SO blessed and yet, it was hard for me to be thankful today.

I woke up with a splitting headache and a nauseated stomach. No, I am not pregnant! Of this I am POSITIVE. I'll spare you the details, but I woke up this way due to the fact that I am definitely not pregnant.

Anyway, after this horrible wake-up (from a horrible dream I might add), it seems every little thing went wrong today: the heater in my car stopped working-again (it's tricky), I accidentally set our alarm off and the cops came to our home (and I am hoping we don't get fined!), I felt sicker as the day went on, I spilled sweet tea all over the coffee table and carpet, and I became stressed about money (partially due to the possibility of a fine looming over my head).

Really? I have a wonderful home and a wonderful husband and a wonderful family and a wonderful God! I am not starving. I have clothes on my back (and too many in the closet). I am beyond blessed. And yet, I whine like a five year old who can't have dessert.

I desperately need Jesus.

Two things humbled me tonight: a message from an old friend and a sweet blog post from a stranger.

I received a message from my friend Katie, who suffers from a rare neurological disorder. She's in severe pain most of the time-so severe it paralyzes her from doing anything but laying in bed. Yet, she took the time to write me an email to see how I am doing. I've never heard her complain or be angry at God. She does have times when she's down, but who wouldn't be?! She's honest about her pain and struggle, but she's also hopeful and at peace about it. I would never wish to be in such pain, but if I were, I am sure I wouldn't complain about tea spilling or a little fine.

Then I read this entry from a decorating blog I often read, The Nesting Place. Before I read the entry, the photo spoke a thousand and one words to me. The faith of a child is so beautiful and long to have that kind of faith again. That's probably why I love reading children's literature about magical places discovered among the seemingly ordinary. Isn't that the story God is trying to tell us? I am your magical place amongst the seemingly ordinary.

Help me see the magic-or for better words, the sacred-amongst the mundane and mess, Lord.

I cannot see it when I am blinded by my own selfish worries. I desperately need Jesus.

"Snowed In"

2010-01-30T13:55:00.000-06:00

This has nothing to do with spiritual things really; it just makes me happy.

I am snowed in today!! I love it! I slept late and plan on staying in my pajamas ALL DAY LONG. Right now I am curled up on the couch in my pjs with a mug of dark hot chocolate. mmm. I'd have my husband take a picture for ya'll, but he's still in bed. We're a lazy couple on the weekends.

Pictures speak a thousand words, so here is what it means to be "snowed in" in NC....warning: all you northerners are going to laugh hysterically when you see this....

OK, let me make a disclaimer! I grew up as a military brat, so I've seen some hardcore snow! In 7th grade, when I lived in New York, I walked to school in snow up to my waist. I went to college at Appalachian State University, where we had snow from November to April.

But, Greensboro is not used to snow. I think they maybe have one or two snow plows in a city of 127 square miles. I mean, I could be wrong about that. Basically, they are not used to snow. On top of that, Greensboro drivers are the worse drivers in America. I thought maybe I was just being whiny about that-until several of my out-of-town wedding guests kept commenting to me about how horrible the drivers are here. We live near the fire station and I think they went out about 10 times last night, probably because people crashed in the snow.

So, I am declaring my self snowed in! It's a good excuse to stay in my pajamas all day. Maybe I will finally get our guest room cleaned out!

Delightfully "Snowed In"

God is good

2010-01-22T16:33:00.000-06:00

I am at this moment watching my sweet husband nap on the couch. And I am reminded that God is good!

Grrr...

2010-01-17T00:24:00.000-06:00

Read about something in Christian subculture that really irks me:

http://cupofdelight.blogspot.com/2010/01/fashion-friday-why-my-continual.html